Lived Experience Forum

[WIP]

Hi @BPDSurvivor 

How are you going?

I'm not too good - haven't been for most of the week actually.  Woke anxious again this morning and in tears not long after.

Have just got back from a quick walk with Levi before my psychology appointment.  I have a feeling I'm going to be quite upset during it.  I so desperately want to feel better, but it's just not happening - consistently.  I may have an 'okayish' day, then the next three are crap.

Everyone is going on about how great it is the Melbourne is going to back to normal and so is everyone's lives.  My normal life of misery will just continue....

Thanks for checking in 

WIP xx

[Eve7]

Thinking of you @WIP . I am sorry it’s so hard right now and I do hope the Psych appointment is helpful.

It’s good you went for a walk with Levi. I look forward to chatting with you later.

💙💚💙

[WIP]

Hi @Eve7 

Thanks for your kind wishes.
The psychologist appointment didn't go too well, I cried for most of it. 
She's actually a bit worried about me, as in between uncontrollable tears, I explained why I'm not very happy with my current GP or Psychiatrist and they aren't really supportive.  She wanted me to go and see my GP today & I said there's no point, she won't cross the line of my psychiatrist and will tell me just to go and see him. 

Think she got concerned when I told her my negative thoughts aren't thoughts any more. But are deep beliefs. I'm never going to get better, have any friends, or family or be well enough to be able to get a job. And I spend everyday crying and have done so for most of the year. Most days I can't do the simple things that I know are good for me - eat, go for a walk, read, meditate for example. I have no concentration other than the negative cycle in my mind.

So she followed up by sending basic brochures on depression & anxiety - stuff I've read before many times. 

Her reaction makes me think I'm beyond help. I've tried all types of specialists, medications, and treatments.
I'm running out of money and won't be able

to afford medical services soon anyway. 
No hope anymore. 😢

@BPDSurvivor @Anastasia @Sam3 

[Eve7]

I hear what you are saying @WIP  and I am so sorry it’s so hard for you. I can’t pretend to be much better but I’m listening to ABC classic in an attempt to drown my thoughts.

I am here with you, totally understanding the pain you feel and believing for us both that there will be better days.

I care about you WIP please stay safe. Let’s have a cuppa.

💙💚💙

[Anastasia]

I just want to reach through the screen and hug you both @WIP @Eve7 

I hear your pain. At work so I am sorry is just a quick response. Sending love to you both always xxxx

[WIP]

Thanks for believing for both of us than there will be better days @Eve7 

I'm outta hope with not much belief atm.

I feel that this psychologist thinks I'm too unwell for her to help - it was just her reaction to everything I told her about how dark the cloud over my life is.

[Eve7]

Listen to those of us who believe in you and prove us right @WIP 

I’m Sorry your Psych didn’t instil you with some hope. It’s good she listened to where you are at but she could have tried to give you just a bit of hope.

🤗🤗🤗

[WIP]

I think I just overwhelmed her with how unwell I am, and she was disappointed to learn that I dont really have a very supportive medical team around me. And haven't for awhile. @Eve7 

[Eve7]

I’m sorry you lack support @WIP  that makes it really difficult.

I have friends who say call them any time but I doubt that I would call them.

MI is very isolating as unless you’ve been there it’s rare that it’s understood even by the medical profession when the treatments don’t work.

Do you have any supportive family? 

Ill make us a cuppa ☕️🍰

[WIP]

No family, no friends @Eve7 

All on my own and I can't do it by myself anymore.

The illness is going to beat me.