Thanks @BPDSurvivor , I'm trying to hold on, but when you wake up feeling very unstable again it's difficult to.
I wasn't going to reply, but sorry, you've hit a nerve with your advice on being satisfied with myself. I don't like myself, I haven't for a very long time. And I understand why I am on my own, because I'm unlikable - I don't like who I am, so why would anyone else, I don't expect them too.
I don't like being around myself (I struggle to look at myself in the mirror). I hate being a depressed, anxious, negative person!!!! And I have tried to get well, ask for help from medical professionals & been let down a lot along the way. Having meaningful relationships feels like something I will never achieve. At this point in time, I'm just trying to get through the day and find it almost impossible.
It's great you are a proof that coming out of depression is possible. I'm really, really happy for you. I don't hold hope that I'll be so fortunate based on history and the reality of each day being excruciatingly painful. It's not a life, but just an existence.
I'll be laying low today. I'm too negative, unstable frame of mind and not fair to dump my crap here.
