Lived Experience Forum

[MDT]

@outlander surpise =/= mistake no matter what. Every human life is worthwhile. This includes you mate 🙂

[outlander]

@Shakeelah25 this is the only place i can be me. im glad your finding here being useful, the community is great here.

small changes for me at the moment are ahrd and alwasy requires a great deal of planning and thinking about things and if it worth doing. its exhausting!

and i am a mistake. ive come to terms with it now

[Ngaio-ROP]

 Hey @MDT Welcome! So awesome you've joined us.

First off, we ALLL get awkward when it comes to forced intimacy between people. I'm the WORST when people who I barely know hug me. I can't help but do this weird running commentary like "oh, we're hugging now." Super awkward. Don't even worry about it.

I don't believe beliefs can irrevocably damage us like that. The main thing is to be tuned into when it's affecting your decisions. Like if you find it hard to talk about intimate things with someone you're building intimacy with, you might need to be cognitive of the impact your previous beliefs are haing so they don't drive you. Whatever you do today you'll be better at tomorrow, just keep practicing.

I think talking to a girl, virgin or no, sounds lovely. How about you move one step at a time, check in with you and her about how you're both feeling then take another step? It's really hard to do wrong when you're making sure everyone is ok and on the same page.

How does that sound? 

[Shakeelah25]

@outlander. if you keep thinking that you can really end up in a worse state. I can only tell you that you are not but you need to believe it yourself-no one can convince you but you bud. 🙂

[Shaz51]

@Ngaio-ROP

@outlander, @Shakeelah25, It will take changes , small changes as you go alone , is that right @Ngaio-ROP

I have found that with my step children , it takes time , but don`t go too quick or too bigger changes

[lovemyboys]

@Ngaio-ROP I hope so. He has a lot of anxiety and I think he would benefit from having somebody else to discuss it with. He is 2 years into dealing with the death of his younger brother so having somebody to chat with may help. I will try and bring it up next time I see him, it took a lot to get him to Headspace hopefully this is not as difficult.
Out of curiosity, I noticed your forums are up to 25, what age range do you find most users fall in to? What do you find are most common concerns among the group ?

[Ngaio-ROP]

Hey @outlander I hope this is ok but I'm going to challenge that perspective your mum has given you because I'm a parent who fell pregnant in very similar circumstances and I don't believe I've given my daughter the same ideas.

Your mum sounds like she could really do with some support of her own. Maybe she didn't get great role modelling growing up? Maybe she has similar MH stuff? Who knows but I know lots of parents who give their kids messages that they don't even realise are damaging their self esteem and they need to get some support so they can start sending different messages. Like 'you matter' and 'you're important.'

So if mum won't or can't get that. And I know you've come to terms with it. But could we start changing that story to one where you had no say about when you were born or in what circumstances and you then grew into an amazing child and young adult who has a place in the world and has great things to say and is going to experience all sorts of incredible things and is incredible!!

How's that for a new  story today?

[NikNik]

There is so much amazing tips, advice and interesting discussions going on so far. Just wanted to flag that we have 20 mins left 🙂

[outlander]

im going to have to pull out of here @Ngaio-ROP@NikNik

ive opened a can of worms and its making me sick so will jsut pull out for now

thank you for your help

and thank you for coming to sane and helping us young ones out with these questions @Ngaio-ROP

[Ngaio-ROP]

Nailed it @Shaz51 What an awesome step-mum you are. I have such deep admiration for the good step-parents of the world. No joke, hardest job in the world. Way harder than parenting.

@lovemyboys It sounds like a great fit. We get all ages but if your son is processing something as full-on as losing a brother and he's experiening anxiety, I'd love him to give it a try. There's no wait times, he just needs to be willing. Maybe mention it's just other young people, no 'professionals'. That might appeal to him.