Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

hello everyone dont ask about the last few days in terms of one my mental health,two my inability to have family support and other times getting support and other times not accepting support,my symptoms are unmotivated,sleeping alot,not eating enough ,depression,anxiety,nightmare,waking in the night thinking,recently had suicidal thoughts and was so distressed talking out loud to myself while feeling distressed,sometimes very outspoken and angry along with swearing and other times withdrawn,closed off emotionally,according to one family member Im treating people in family badly,Paronoid,need to see a phychiatrist,Bratty,Defiant,Self Loathing and Childish is what one family members veiw point of my quote behaviour that particular person is sick of me and more or less given up on helping,according to them its beyound me needing a counciller saying instaed that I need a phychiatrist mind you Ive argued with this family memeber when there help was offered and its only made things worse that Im isolated and sad about that particular family relationship falling apart

[LostAngel]

theres more to add but computer is going flat ,according to this person Im burning bridges with relationships all round ,but I dont like that this one person keeps pointing out everything Im doing wrong and focussing on my behaviour rather than me as a person

[LostAngel]

theyre not asking how I feel instead always onto me about my behaviour and yes I know and am aware my behaviour is wrong but Im trying to help myself what else can I do?it makes me feel like a failure as a person,like giving up on myself but am Currentlly safe,waiting on a different family member to get back to me about how to see a phychiatrist

[LostAngel]

this person has kept making me feel worse rather than better ,its sad the approach isnt calming or reasurring its more about blaming me for these behaviours 

[Sphinxly]

Hi @LostAngel, I can see there is a lot on your mind. It must be overwhelming. I hope it helps to share it here. If you need some one-on-one support, I encourage you to contact the SANE Help Centre via chat or phone on 1800 18 7263.

Take good care,

Sphinxly.

[Lilaca]

Hi @LostAngel,

It's a brave act to seek and ask for help when you need it. If you need a professional to assist you through the troubled water, please ring up Lifeline or get help from your GP who will connect you to a psychologist. There's nothing wrong with seeing health professionals. Everyone needs a hand at some point in their life.

If you are feeling wary towards healthcare professionals, try to self heal through self care. Find some enjoyable activities that relieve and regulate your emotions. It may be a decision to take a solo trip to a regional area for a week to recuperate in nature. An alone time is always soothing for the soul who has been negatively impacted by others. If you are worried about being on your own, bring a trusted friend with you who could be there during your recovery journey.

Take care!

[Former-Member]

@LostAngel Thank you for reaching out on here I do hope you contact the sane helpline or lifeline as it has been a help to you in the past my friend.

sorry things are becoming overwhelming for you and I hope your family member has got back to you with details for contact with a psychiatrist. I think by seeing a psychiatrist your family will realise just how hard you are working to feel whole and happy once again. Keep up the good work LostAngel 🌺🌻

[LostAngel]

thank you my forum friends @Former-Member Ive been talking to lifeline alot in the last few days and nights Ill try Sanes helpline that might be a good alternative as Ive talked to lifeline so much, thank you also to @Lilaca and @Sphinxly not sure which one of you suggested the idea of nature going somewhere by myself for selfcare thats a really great idea for self care Im currently trying to regulate my emotions and self soothe by listening to calming music and drinking chamomile tea before an early night,Ive been sleeping alot today then waking up again and trying to write things out,or talk to lifeline by phone,or eat something but mostly kept drifting off to sleep probly as a way of escape from thinking so much,Ive definetly been feeling paronoid,tired ect but thankfully there are some people in my life who are beautifully supportive its just hard to see past the negatives to focus on those positives,its almost like I do literally need someone to take care of me outwardly while I try and take care of myself inwardly and figure it all out get to the root of my mental health and behaviours to resolve things,Ive talked so much its exhausting but I keep trying to figure this out,The family member my Aunt who was helping work out how to get a phychiatrist appointment got back to me ,I plan on ringing my Doctor in the morning to get an appointment first then I thankfully have another aunt whom I reached out to again today ended up crying on the phone to her she was empathic and is going to meet up with me tomorow as I havnt been out the house properly for a few weeks now,going to meet her for lunch and a talk tomorow I have to say she is beautifully caring and understands as she herself has mental health issues which I do think is kind of inherited,for some reason Im wondering if its bipolar disorder or not I admit that I will likely need to have some medication to calm my paronoid thoughts I geuss that concerns me most what will meds do? help or just bandaid my issues? the reason why I think its bipolar is because Ive had a habit this week of sracthing my face and head with fingers,Ive showered but not as often as usual,my aunt Im seeing tomorow is herself diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and Schitzophrenia which I hope I dont have but wont know till see doctor and Pychiatrist,so at least Ill be seeing an aunt tomorow for lunch,the other aunt who helped with Phychiatrist info is also giving space to talk,I just feel its the men in the family Im having more issues getting support from as it was a male relative an older cousin who told me all those negative words about being childish ect,the silver lining however has been my special someone he was the only one a couple nights back who stayed up into early hours of the morning keeping me company by message which was very reasurring and Im thankfull for him

[Former-Member]

Rest tonight and have a good sleep knowing tomorrow you will have a lovely lunch and a heartfelt talk with your caring aunt @LostAngel  🌸

[LostAngel]

Hi Forum Friends @Former-Member @Lilaca and @Sphinxlythank you all again for your support today was an improovement I got out of bed earlier,I had a shower I went out of the house,talked to my aunt and she talked about her experiences,it was a heartfelt talk that was needed then I went back home,rested for a while,then had a phone call with another Aunt the one who helped with information about getting in contact with a phychiatrist I also rang the doctors to make an Appointment for Monday and also ate food a bit more regularly today,as for a kind of self care recovery Im going to in a weeks time spend time away from home at one of my aunts houses for a few days to a week or so and thats something to look forward to just to be able to relax somewhere put my feet up for a while and have some company of a few family members for a few days to a week also Im trying to improove my thinking from negative to positive as last night I watched a helpfull video about a young womans story about her mental health Journey that helped to give some hope,also getting out the house helped,talking to both my aunts helped,I need things to look forward to but yeah taking steps to help myself and I keep trying and keep resting,one aunt suggested talking to a Paster Possibly instead of a Phychiatrist if I feel ok with that,she also suggested going for a walk,the other aunt who called is going to send some information to read that might be helpfull,I am still worried about the prospect of medication having to be an option,also I had a bout of paronoia again tonight for some reason I was convinced that someone had stolen photos from room for some bizare reason I had to check to make sure,so am thinking medication is likely needed,I did eat dinner,been listening to music just doing things one day at a time although tomorow I plan to go to the movies to again get out of the house might have another early night tonight and sleep some more I am trying to help myself and ultimately its up to me to help myself just leaning on a few family members now for the emotional support and most of all Im trying to be kinder to family members who are a support and still working on being kind to myself as well as maybe gain that motivation to help myself also had to ring my Job provider today to make sure my centrelink pay doesnt get put on hold because I missed an appointment this week,Im doing as much as I can and as one aunt said it takes small steps not 10 big steps at once, Ive gotta keep on top of of the everyday stuff do while getting support so maybe acheiving small goals might help orwell one foot in front of the other,I of course didnt mention the suicidal thoughts to any family though Ill tell the doctor though about those things I am safe just tired thank you all on here