I can’t cope

[Jynx]

@Captain24 complete and utter exhaustion makes a lotta sense!! One doesn't just 'get over' having had surgery hun. No matter how much we wish we could, our bodies need time to heal - and all those biochemical things going on in the body to support that process can easily leave us feeling completely depleted and incredibly fragile. So just like we would never tell someone they need to 'just get over' a broken leg - you can give yourself permission to not be ' just over it' yet!!

Haha well your messy mind reminds me of my own messy mind, so I do totally get that feeling. Glad I could be there for you. 

Also awesome to hear that you're protecting your energy by being decisive about how much time you're willing to spend at this xmas party! Boundarriiiieeeesss!! 😊

Hehehe planting seeds is what I dooooo 🌱 

For real though, that's really lovely to hear. It's something I try to do with intention, because it's been so helpful in my own recovery - hearing little gems that have slowly over time helped me to shift my perspective and open up different options for how I see myself and how I interact with the world. 

I reckon you're on track, yeah - especially in terms of not pushing too far too fast. So just like you're not feeling ready to tackle more complex resin ideas just yet, because you know that right now the disappointment of it not working might overwhelm you. You know how I always talk about 'progress taking place outside the comfort zone?' Well we gotta do that in very small amounts, otherwise we can push too far and feel even less safe to engage in the thing than before. I know I've had art projects that I've given up on quickly because it was too hard too soon, and it can be the same with things like learning to talk to our inner critic. The keyword in all of this? You said it yourself - Practice.

And you are doing that! I've noticed you popping into other threads and chatting to members moreso lately, and I don't think you were anywhere near as comfortable doing that 6 months ago. But you practised not letting your inner critic completely prevent you from engaging in the space, and slowly got more comfortable over time. Proud of you! I hope you are proud of yourself too 😉

[AuntGlow]

I get that! Hmm... I struggle with this too. I think it's because the only way I can get anything done is by being in a real fiery 'okay, let's do this, we're not here to f*ck spiders' kinda energy haha otherwise I don't do much at all. But it is definitely not sustainable and certainly leads to burnout... 

I keep coming back to the idea of 'softening into action'. Does that resonate with you at all? @Captain24 

Ohh, poor Pix! Is she okay? 

I am happy you found cheaper resin though, that's amazing!

Yes, that sounds like such wonderful way to allow all experiences in, which makes me think, what is one step you could take towards enjoying the moment this week?

7! So I will be leaving very soon, but back tomorrow. 

hahah EXACTLY.

[Captain24]

I know I need to ride it out but it’s getting really frustrating. @Jynx. My backyard needs mowing and I considered doing it tomorrow but I do know that that is not a sensible thing to do. It’s hard when my mind and my body don’t agree.

I do feel pain tonight after everything I have done today and yesterday. My mind is very messy right now! But I have to learn to deal with it and take on last nights advice! I wasn’t in any state to respond to you but I did listen. 

I am very proud of myself. I went, had some lunch but I sat by myself as there were too many people and no one that I really knew. (There were people from all over the mine is, Workshop, offices, underground and more) I had a quick chat to a guy from work and then I talked to a girl that I have met through the women events that I go to at work. We chatted for a while and I wasn’t really coping so I told her that I had to go as I had something on. I had a Quick Look around and left! But I did it and I did it all on my own. 

You plant lots of seeds!! I just want you to know that I do appreciate all your wisdom and experiences. I do listen to it all. I know you don’t share it with everyone and I appreciate that you are willing to share with me. I don’t know if you see it as I’m ready for it or just willing to lead or whatever. But I appreciate your time. 

The resin is an awesome analogy. Speaking of which I have to check the ones I did the other day, they are ready to come out of their moulds. Anyway.. I have always been trying too hard I think, that’s maybe where the failing comes in. Yes you always say ‘outside your comfort zone’ but I always took it as pushing really far but I now realise that you mean little by little. I think I’ve figured out if I just make one little step at a time I’ll be less likely to fail and give up. Out of my comfort zone was the Christmas party! Practice was not listening to my inner critic that everyone would think I was a loser as I was in my own! 

I’ve really only been places where I’ve had experience and wanted to say what had and hadn't worked for me. I won’t go into any chats and I hate being tagged in them! I don’t do social threads. Just little bits of if I see something. I don’t feel comfortable with it at all and I’m really scared I’m going to say the wrong thing. Like when I tagged you in Shaz’s question. I was worried I’d be misinterpreted. I don’t really have confidence in spreading my really little, tiny, minut wings. But I have given it a go. Don’t expect too much from me though!!! 

How was your day? 

[Captain24]

They didn’t turn out how I wanted them too but I guess they are ok. 

The plate is glitter, I thought it changed the colour of the resin too but I guess not. 

@rav3n @Jynx @AuntGlow @tyme 

  

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Frustration is legiiiiit especially for we who feel the ever-present buzz of hyperactive brains!! 

Proud of you for taking yourself, and for putting a boundary in when you needed to bail!! Also... funnily enough, I think riding solo to an event is something quite a lot of people would feel anxious about. I know whenever I see like, people out to dinner or at the movies or an event on their own, I typically see them as brave, not a loser! 

I am so glad to hear that! I'm so happy to share my thoughts and experiences - it feels really nice to be able to 'be the person I needed' in the earlier parts of my recovery. 

Yeah next time I encourage anyone to push out of their comfort zone, I'll definitely include that extra tidbit! It's important 😅 But yeah just floating into spaces where you feel comfortable to share your experiences is a perfect little step! Biiiig kudos 😁✨

Slow day for me. Mainly cat stuff actually - went to pet shop for more biscuits, had to deep clean the litter trays, and probably do their flea treatment tonight! Caught them looking super cute though - 

[Captain24]

   I have taken myself a few places

on my own over the years. @Jynx. I’ve been to the movies on my own. Actually my birthday a couple of years ago mum watched the dogs while I went to sushi for lunch and what the John Farnham ‘The voice’ it was the next town over as we don’t have movies here! This year I took myself out for breakfast for my birthday! 

It is so hard to do and causes me so much stress but if I want to do anything then that’s what I have to do. It does take a lot out of me though. 

You are so wise and it’s good because you share what helped you, it’s not from a textbook, it’s lived experience and guidance. We have completely different worlds but I do feel like we are similar in some aspects. It’s like you understand the way my brain works. 

Yeah.. that tidbit would be helpful! I felt like I was failing you when I just couldn’t push myself that far out of my zone. The more I tried the worse I felt and the harder it was. But I do get it now! 😜 

Hahaha what we do for our babies. They look so cute and cosy with each other. 

Same shirts or new ones? 

 

[tyme]

I'm not working now, but I thought I'll pop in to see how things are going for you. @Captain24 

Love the photos! 

I'll only be around for a few mins (in case I don't get to respond)

Hope you're okay

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

Been a really big and overwhelming weekend. I went to an event yesterday morning with lots of motorbikes, lots of noise and lots of people. We walked there from mum and dad’s house. Today I went to the work Christmas party by myself. I wasn’t there for long, just over an hour and talked to a couple of people but the party was for the whole mine site so there was so many people and so many I didn’t know. 

Now just trying to unwind myself.

How are you? 

[tyme]

That sounds too overwhelming @Captain24 ! No thanks! I'll stay home and relax.

I just finished building a lego pufferfish. It's got a clam and a pearl with it.

I've just been relaxing and finishing some admin here and there. Not much.

How's your pain going? Are you working tomorrow?

[Captain24]

You’ll have to share photos, only if you’re comfortable? @tyme 

I finished one off today too. 

Im glad you are relaxing, you deserve a rest. You do so much. Did you get your vaccines?

I’ve done heaps of housework this morning as well as everything else so I’m a little sore now and can tell that I’ve over done it but generally it’s a lot better. It’s no where near as bad as it was.

I have tomorrow off, a training day Tuesday and back to work Wednesday. So I really should take it easy tomorrow after I finish all the housework! I need to not have any pain when I get back to work as it’s going to hurt it.