Lived Experience Forum

[Chris]

I feel very alone again. Theres too much stress in my life that is out of my control. I dont feel i have anyone to turn to. Another week before i see my psychologist.  Ive been physically sick as well for over a week. Although im on the mend, i am not as good as i should be being close to the end of the antibiotics.

I feel stuck, immobilized overwhelmed. 

No one to turn to. Caring for others but unable to care for myself.

Ive had enough. I just want to crawl into a dark hole. Be by myself. Not much chance of that.

I sound so sorry for myself!

[Lauz]

Hi @Chris,

Sorry to hear what a tough time you are having at the moment and it's okay to sound a bit sorry for yourself! The time between seeing your therapist can be challenging - what kind of things usually help while you wait? Have you tried writing down a list of things you want to raise when you see them for instance? Posting in the forums is a good way to help fill that gap of time. Maybe share a bit more about what's happening for you at the moment? 

[Chris]

Took myself out this morning and sat by the beach. Still wanting to be on my own, lots of people around. Thinking i should keep swimmers and a towel in my car. Tired, low, and still nothing done. Just worn out.

Its hard sitting on the sidelines watching a adult male child fight for the rights to see his own child. The legal system is a joke. Only the lawyers benifit. There are no answers. There are no consequences for bad behaviour. There is just a realisation that this will continue for many years yet regardless of what hapens in court. This is only one of the situations within the family right now. Another one physically sick because of the situation they are living in. Sometimes its really hard to support grown children. Trying to find a balance of support without interfering in their lives.

It all gets very complex. Then trying to deal with my own demons on a daily basis.Just dont know anymore.

[nashy]

Hey @Chris  sitting with you and this pain. You are right the system is really frustrating and complex at times. It's good you're sitting by the ocean and taking some time out, the community is always here to listen Were you able to see your Psych? What was their feedback on this?

The swimmers idea is a good one 🙂

[MDT]

hey @Chris

Thinking of you in this rough patch right now. You sound like you are enjoying your time by the ocean. I hope it gives you a sense of rest and peace

[Chris]

Thanks everyone . The beach is my go to place for solitude and respite. I dont do it nearly enough.

Ive been cooking this afternoon. Creme  caremel, carrot cake in the oven now. Then making a shepherds pie for tommorow nights dinner. Im exhusted, but feel more settled in myself. Its the all or nothing syndrome! 

[Chris]

So now ive stopped. Cooking done, dinner done.

The demons rear there ugly head. A sinking feeling. Slowing down of mind and body. Not in a good way. Its a weariness of body mind and spirit. Of how can I go on? How can i face another day. Im not suicidal. I just feel so very tired of the constant struggle. Trying to be there for family that are trying to cope with their own sh.........thats ongoing. Its this ongoing stuff, that never seems to end. It goes from bad to worse with no respite. I know its something that we call "life" it all seems in the too hard basket right now. There are no answers. Theres no magical solutions. There no magic pill to take away the pain. Life just seems so very overwheming right now.

[Chris]

???????
Noone nowhere!!!

[Snowie]

HI @Chris 

Listening,  you are not alone