Lived Experience Forum

[Shaz51]

ohhhhh holding you @Starta

[Former-Member]

Aww @Starta, I am so sorry it feels so awful there.  Its going to be a hard 3 days, but in all honesty I am pleased you are not spending this time alone.  I'm sure it doesnt feel that way, but they are concerned for you Starta and doing what they can to ensure your safety.  Are you in a shared ward room there?  At least it appears you are able to continue to have your phone there, judging from your message just now.  I am relieved about that.  I feel sure they do not want to isololate anybody by removing their link to the world, so I am not surprised about that. Besides with christmas being tomorrow, they know people are wanting to stay in touch with family members.  Speaking of family Starta, are you likely to hear from any of your boys tomorrow, do you think?  I hope so, because I think it will reassure you that they love and respect you.  I see 'elsewhere' that The Walrus has been in touch with you.  He is one of the good ones Starta, he was always genuine and caring when I knew him. You can trust him. Same as Mrs Tulips.  Same cannot be said of some of the others though, the blonde person for example has two faces. Starta you have so many supporters, so many people urging you on and hoping and praying for a good outcome for you.  I know you will do whatever it takes to make this a healing process and the start of a new and better life for you.  I share your concern for our mutual friend's health.  If you're able to, please let her know somehow that I am thinking of her.  I am just serving dinner, so need to go now.  Prawns for dinner tonight together with a nice salad made up of baked pumpkin pieces, baby spinach, rocket, shaved parmesan, walnut pieces and a dressing of balsamic vinegar and olive oil.  Light but delicious and nutritious.  How about you?

Sherry 

[Zoe7]

Thinking of you @Starta 

[Former-Member]

Dear @Starta

Just quickly dropping in to wish you a very good morning and a merry christmas. I know you are not where you'd choose to be right now, but at least you remain safe.  That is a good thing Starta.  I wonder does the acute ward do something special for Christmas?  I'd really like to hear about it if you feel up to it.  In fact I'd love to hear from you sometime. I do worry about you, which I'm sure you'd know.  No pressure though, as I know you are likely a bit restricted where you are now.  So for now, I just want to wish you the very best for the day.  I will be thinking of you and hoping you are able to find a few moments through the day where you feel at peace, secure and safe.  You are much loved on the Forums Starta, and I feel sure in real life too.  Please take care and try to enjoy the day as much as possible.

Much love from me and a big cuddle from my little Christmas Holly.  Its her birthday today.

Sherry 

[Former-Member]

Dear @Starta

I am just calling in briefly to say hi and check how you're doing.  You have been very quiet. 

I hope your Christmas day was not as bad as you'd been expecting, and that you managed to find some moments of light.

Looking forward to hearing from you again soon.  

Sherry 

[Former-Member]

Dear @Starta

I was very relieved to hear from you overnight on my thread. I have been trying to keep up with you 'elsewhere', but it is really hard to do when you cannot log in.  I was aware that you were spending 3 days at home with your son.  Which I was thrilled to bits to hear. And also that you were able to be reunited with Kya and Ebony.  I keep looking at the pictures you posted when you last posted to this thread.  I can just see them leaping around in great excitement when they saw you after being away for almost 4 weeks.

I am aware that you are likely back in the hospital around now. So brave of you to stick with it Starta, despite knowing what is in store.  It is a real testament to you that you put yourself out there each day, in an effort to get your life back on track.  It will pay off for you Starta, I'm confident of that.  I can see/sense improvement happening already since your relatively short stay in the hospital. I see it in your writing and how you're handling things, and also in hearing of your interaction with your youngest son.  All this is progress Starta, and I feel great pride and enjoyment in knowing you've made such promising steps forward. 

Stick with the program Starta and the remaining time there will go quickly now.  Soon you will be back home with your adorable fur babies, and feeling as though life is well worth living again.

I understand you wont be able to talk to me much for a while, but I really did appreciate you making the effort to reach out last night. I had started to think it was more that you didnt want to, rather than being unable to. It should have occurred to me that my discussions were triggering to you.  My deepest apologies.  I wont tag you on my thread again, until you tell me its okay to do so.  If you dont mind however, I would like to continue talking to you here. Definitely without any obligation for you to respond.  I have posted a few photos here over the past week or so, which I hope you've enjoyed. 

Love you as I would a dearly beloved sister. 

Sherry 

[Former-Member]

Hi dear @Starta.

I needed somewhere quiet to come for a while, and I felt here was as good as anywhere.  I thought perhaps you may like some company as well?  If I recall correctly, you are pretty much left to yourselves over the weekends.  Being a Sunday, will it be roast night again tonight?

I note you answered a question I asked of you here, on the other site a few days ago. You mentioned there that you couldnt recall who asked.  Well ... it was me.  😊 It was about whether any of your sons show the same narcissistic traits as their father had.  And interesting answer, and I really hope that one son manages to keep possible traits under a tight reign. Certainly your youngest son sounds like a beautiful young man.  And I am so pleased you had those 3 days to spend with him.

Something you would not know Starta is that I have 2 step children.  I couldnt say on the other site, because I could not give too much away which might have alerted people to my true identity.  My hubby was married previously, and when I came along his children were 15 (girl) and 22 (boy). They were living with their mother, but I saw them a lot in the early days.  I am now a step-grandmother to 6 kids.  My step son has 4 ranging in age from 20 down to 6.  And my step daughter has 2 ranging in age from 8 down to 6.  All great kids. Though unfortunately they all live a long way away from us.  Step son and family live 6 hours North or us, and step daughter and family about 5.5 hours South.  So we dont get to see them much at all.  With kids at school etc and both parents working full time, its usually up to us to travel to see them.  Normally we would be doing that around now, but with hubby not well enough to travel these past 18 months, its been hard not seeing them as much as we'd like.  Its hoped they may visit us at the end of January, fingers crossed.

I thought of you with your son, and how you were disappointed your grandchild did not come with your son.  But next time hopefully.  Perhaps it was best that you had this time to spend with your son alone.  Something else you may not know, is that I am actually 59yo and will turn 60 next May.  I think you were of the belief that I was early 50's, although I was always quite vague about that.  Again ... for purposes of self protection.  Though that failed spectacularly in the end, despite my efforts.  I was completely honest about everything else though Starta.  Ummm, except for Holly's name, which I did expose in the end anyway. We all have profile names though, so perhaps its not a bad thing to have our pets with a profile name too.  But for me to use her real name would have been a dead give away right from the start.

Starta, have you been doing much today?  Its very hot and windy here on the mid north coast of NSW, not at all pleasant.  I expect it will be much the same where you are.  So I have been indoors with the air conditioner on most of the day.  I did watch a bit of cricket around lunch time, but it didnt last long.

So I did something nice for me, for a change.  I was bitten by a mosquito a couple of nights ago while asleep.  Got me several times on the cheek and side of the eye, which have come up swollen and very red.  I got thinking and remembered I was given a green tea face mask last year.  Or perhaps even the year before?  Anyway I went and searched the bathroom drawers and found it.  Hubby was sleeping (he does a lot of that these days), so I got the mask out and applied it to my face.  Its one of those cut-out ones which you place over your face, with eye holes.  And I also had a seperate eye pad things for sore eyes which I placed over my eyes.  Then I laid down on my bed with the ceiling fan on and felt the lovely cool on my face.  Stayed there for the suggested 20 minutes, or maybe a bit longer.  It was so nice and cool and relaxing.  Very nice, and I would highly recommend it.

Well I hope you're doing well there Starta.  I know it would have been very difficult to rock back up at the hospital after your few days at home.  What arrangements are in place for Kya and Ebony this time?  

No rush to reply Starta, I just felt like a quiet chat, and thought perhaps you might too.  I think you get a little lonely since our mutual good friend has been quieter than normal.  I really hope she's okay.  And so wish I could tell her that. 

I will talk to you again soon.  Just know I am thinking of you, and that I am here for you if you need someone to keep you company any time.

Sherry 💜🤗💕

[Former-Member]

Good afternoon @Starta.  Hope you dont mind, but I have come to have a brief chat again.  I've been thinking of you.  I expect you'll be having further sessions with your psychiatrists today, after about a week's break from them.  If I know you, you'll be like me, on tenterhooks at the thought of the upcoming appointments.  Even worse that you may not even be aware of just when they will drop by given you're in a hospital environment.  I really hope you're not waiting too long, and that the sessions come around earlier rather than later.

Have you heard from your youngest son again since you were dropped back to the hospital on Saturday morning?  I guess he would have had quite a long drive to get home to his family again.  Its always a worry with loved ones being on the busy roads at this time of year.  Best avoided if possible.

Its so hot here Starta, not at all nice.  I wilt so badly in the heat, like a limp dishrag.  As if its not bad enough with lack of motivation already, the heat just makes it almost impossible to want to do anything.  Poor little Holly is here alongside me flaked in front of the air conditioner, all legs splayed trying to stay cool.  I got an old towell and made it damp for her and will take it in now for us both to have a little nanna nap under the ceiling fan.  

At least, in the hospital and likely good air conditioning, you'll be comfortably cool.  You're lucky in that regard.  Though I dont envy you being in the hospital.  Still ... its likely to be only another couple of weeks and you'll be home again.  How are you finding the latest lot of medications the psychiatrists have you on?  Really hope they've got the right ones this time and that you benefit greatly from them.  Incidentally, do you still have the cicada's ringing in your ears, which you got when you were on a previous AD?

Sherry 

Just going to leave a little gift here for you.  I know you're like me, and love choccy. 💕 Hugs to you.  🤗

[Former-Member]

Dear @Starta

I'm not sure if you are reading any of my messages.  Though I still want to talk to you anyway.  Hope you dont mind?  If you do, please tell me.  I miss our talks, and others as well.  I noticed a couple of days ago Deebi posted on your thread and mentioned me, wishing me a better 2019 etc.  That was lovely of her, and I'm not even able to give it a thumbs up. 

I will start by wishing you a Happy New Year.  Did you stay up and see in the new year?  Perhaps you watched the midnight fireworks and then went to bed.  I am assuming you have a TV in your room, so if you didnt see the fireworks last night, then perhaps you will get to see a replay today.

How did your expected psychiatrist consultations go yesterday?  And how are you feeling overall?  I would love an update when you're ready to give one.  But I also know its hard while you're in the hospital.  

With it being a public holiday today, perhaps you will have another quiet day today.  I hope you are able to get out and about a little and to find a quiet place to practice some mindfulness.  If thats not possible, then try to find some other area within the hospital which will provide a bit of quiet time to yourself.  You can practice mindfulness anywhere Starta.

Okay I will leave it at that for now as I dont want to overwhelm you.  I know its hard for you, but I am with you in spirit. And would be there for you physically too if only I could. Even if it was just to take care of your beautiful Kya and Ebony in your absence.  I'm sure Holly would get along just fine with them.

Must go .... catch you again for another one-way chat tomorrow.

Sherry 💜🤗💕

[Starta]

Hello Happy New @Former-Member  and anyone else reading..I’m really sorry that I haven’t replied but I am listening, I asked for at least half hour leave today so I can at least walk to the park 5 minutes away..I can get the leave with a flourish worker accompanying me...I want free time away from everyone, the constant noise of people is doing my head in..I just want to go somewhere quiet and be alone.....

I had a reaction to the mood stabilisers, they made my legs and arm jerk of a night which kept waking me up. So he has taken me off them for a while...I see him next Monday...I want to go home I’ve had more then enough now....I’m tired of constantly doing what I’m asked to do and no freedom to be on my own is hitting me hard and being in a mania cycle is okay, but I’m coming down slowly and not doing the best atm....when I come down I need me time only....

I have sneaked in walks here and their but today I’m thinking of sneaking to the park.....I’ll see how I feel later today....

Yes today is another quiet day here, the problem being the comfy lounge chairs are just outside my room, the others gather their for chats and it get people noisey and I don’t like people noise, I’m always on edge......

Im going to have a rest now hopefully sleep a few hours away from here.....

sending you ou some love Big hugs sweetheart..Dust storm yesterday afternoon just before it reached us..