Lived Experience Forum

[Nancy1]

This is my first post, so not sure how to express my thoughts.  

Earlier this year I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. I suppose having never really dealt with childhood sexual abuse and some adult traumatic events, the bucket just overflowed.  

Im normally a high functioning lead teacher of Year 11 and Year 12 faculty.  Also a wife, mother and grandmother- though one of my children refuses to speak to us or allow us even see a picture of our grandchildren.  

But im struggling.   

I feel like Im drowning. Finding daily tasks a challenge. 

The worst is laying in bed and not being able to switch my mind off. When my eyes are closed it takes me to some dark places. Then with lack of sleep or no sleep functioning struggles to happen.   

People at work rely on me to get work done, that I feel I cant take time off or ow down.   

Im struggling. Anyone with sleeping advice, I'd love to hear any suggestions.  

[Gwynn]

Hi @Nancy1 ,
I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling of late. It sounds like you need to start guarding your self-care a bit more, if that makes sense.

Something that might be helpful is taking a pencil and paper and writing it all down when your mind can't switch off. Just keep on writing until your mind goes blank.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/writing-about-emotions-may-ease-stress-and-trauma - here's a link about how and why it can work.
If you're interested in what other forum members have written about writing, you can read https://saneforums.org/t5/Looking-after-ourselves/Writing-As-A-Form-Of-Therapy/td-p/63631

Another thing that really helps me is going on a walk and finding things that make me feel glad on that walk - it just takes me out of myself a bit and tires me out for bedtime.

I would urge you to seek professional help with this. Do you have a professional support team?

[Zed1]

Hi @Nancy1 

Amazing you have reached and also i noted you used the term "Bucket just overflowed" which shows me you are aware your limits have been met.

These two things to me say you are ready to start making self care a priority. It may take some convincing though, you will always doubt the time you want to take for yourself.

As a teacher yes the students need you, but you need to be ready to be needed. 

Teaching is not an easy task, personally when i think back to my high school years i am sure i gave my own teachers a good run for their money so can only imagine what years 11 and 12 are like.

Take the time to write down what you love about yourself, your job and the amazing achievements you have succeeded with.

You are a educated woman, you have helped develope the future community members by guiding an age group of teens which is no easy task.

These are just some of the things i would notice about you without meeting you.

Each week take time for yourself, write these things down. Write down things you want. Possibly some help with the work load you are teaching, some extra time off, a teachers aid maybe.

It is important to know what you want and in small steps so go from making daily goals to weekly goals.

Once again amazing for reaching out.

Regards

Zed

[Peonies]

Hello there @Nancy1 , 

Welcome to the forums! 

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry to hear you've been having some trouble with sleeping. I also find it difficult to function during the day when I don't get enough sleep the night before! Have you tried listening to some mindfulness or meditation music? They help me to stay focus and be present in the moment. 🌻 

[CrazyChick]

Hi Nancy,

It sounds like you know that you need to slow down and look after yourself more. It is more than just not sleeping, and it will take more to fix it. It is better that you acknowledge that you aren't doing so well and take some time out to recover. Although you feel the pressure from your colleagues & students to keep pushing on, it is likely that this would not be good for either you or them. It will be easier on the students & management if you decide earlier what you need and they can work around getting that to work. Do you need to take some time off? Or change to part time for a while? Even if it is just 1 afternoon a week off - so that you can get to a psychologist appointment, and have some time to relax. It is better that you decide what you need rather than struggle on and not be doing your job as well as you can, or have an incident related to your tiredness, or stress. You don't need to tell everyone about your trauma - just explain that you are a bit stressed and not sleeping well, and need time off or whatever you need. They can and will find a way to manage it. Your mental health is too important to ignore & even if it is hard to see, it is likely to be affecting your work performance.

I have struggled with my mental health too. Several times I have tried pushing on through times that I have been struggling and it has not been helpful. I kept struggling until it became obvious to others at work. I was forced to take leave, put on a performance management plans, return to work plans, and been made to have medical assessments to assess my fitness to work. These things are humiliating and emotionally draining. It is better to be in control of your own recovery & choose what you need to get back on track. Talk to your doctor, and trusted family or friends and work out what is best for you.

You need to look after yourself, so that you are able to look after others - your family and your students. Trust your instincts and do what you need to recover. Don't ignore your body telling you it can't cope. Teaching is a high stress job, and with your personal trauma on top, it is quite understandable that you sometimes need to have time to destress and unwind so that you can keep going.

Good luck

[Nancy1]

Thank you. I will certainly look at those links and yes have started professional help.

[Nancy1]

Thanks for the encouragement.

[Nancy1]

Works sometimes.

[Nancy1]

I struggle to acknowledge that I am worth the effort to take out for.   

Ive been able to negotiate some strategies at work, but I just don't take advantage of them.   I struggle to ask for help, tell someone  anyone Im struggling till im so overwhlemed.   

[Caringsoul73]

@Nancy1 

Hi and welcome to the forum 🙂

I'm glad you reached out here to share what's been happening with yourself. 

I'm not sure if this would help you or not but I've found that devoting 30 minutes to meditate per night followed by nature music for another 10-15 minutes together with aromatherapy sprays in the bedroom just make my environment more conducive to better sleep. It's all geared toward calming my senses first. 

Just thought I'd share that with you. 
I hope you get some better sleep soon. 
Take care and reach out again to chat with us during this time. 🥰