Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay I have to agree with @Gazza75 here Hon. I have watched you go over and over the same ground for so long now and there does not seem any end or respite at all for you with your therapy from your thoughts or your past. From where I sit and what I have seen over the last ciuple of years these sessions appear to be continually re-traumatising you and yet you are given no ways to deal with all that that are working for you. After every session you seem worse than before you went in and that makes me wonder if this is actually good for you. There is no way we can move forward or 'get better' if the same ground is being continually revisited every session and the outcome is the same ...that you feel like there is no hope and no way forward.

At the risk of offending you I have to say that you need to take some control over your own thoughts and emotions as well. You have to want to move forward and this constant 'going back' is affecting you so much that you appear to be back to square one with each appointment.

As for your gp - SH will not show them anymore than you are hurting - it will not give them insight into your thoughts and the only one you will be hurting is yourself. No-one else can feel that pain for you but no-one else can take steps to avoid that pain either. 

What you are doing is allowing the abuse to take over your life and in that respect those who abused you are winning. You cannot change the past but you can be the architect of the future - and one without these people in your life. It is not easy but the only way forward is to live in the now and not continually allow others to shape your life. You are stronger than that and have enough in our life to deal with without letting those people that hurt you continue to rule your life. Moving forward often means letting go - that does not mean you forget and certainly does not mean your forgive but this is destroying you BB and maybe it is time to take a break and/or find someone that can help with strategies to deal with it rather than continually rehashing it all.

[Gazza75]

Your welcome @BlueBay 

I feel like hibernating at times myself. 

I can only imagine how draining it is on you to keep doing it.  as @Owlunar said maybe you can look at doing more down the track, but, not right now.  Give yourself some time and see how you feel.  The hospital psychologist sounds like a better option to Me.  It takes a lot of courage and strength to overcome and keep going like you do BB.  Don't give in to the urges of sh.  

[Owlunar]

I agree with @Zoe7  @BlueBay 

You are allowing those abusers to take over your life and truly - they do not care at all - they probably do not even think about it

It did happen - and you don't need to forgive them - but you only have one life to live and this is it - this needs to be your aim - to get past this - it is holding you up from knowing what you really want in this world

And I really care

Dec

[Eucalypt]

Hi @BlueBay 

It is nice to see that you are heard and supported by forum friends @Owlunar @Gazza75 @Zoe7 @Former-Member  who all have their own ideas about the usefulness of revisiting traumatic experiences in the course of therapy. As you know already – the decisions about what you do in therapy and what does or doesn't work for you are decisions for you to make – preferably in consultation with professionals whose judgement you trust.

I wonder if you schedule a bit of time to do something nice for yourself after you have an appointment with your psychologist?

[Owlunar]

@Eucalypt  is right @BlueBay 

You can continue with this type of exposure therapy - but it is a hard way to go and you are wondering if there is any end to it

And I am concerned to that you want to hibernate from your family - I can certainly understand that it is overwhelming to have so many people living together in such a small space - not something I would enjoy at all - 

You must be in so much pain - so much disorder in your mind - so much unhappiness - I hear you

We want the best for you - I am glad you have reached out and hope you can find some peace today - I have no objection at all to someone going to bed for the rest of the day when they feel so bad - hibernation from the family isn't bad or wrong - lonely perhaps but you need the peace right now

Dec

[Shaz51]

 I have to agree with @Gazza75 here Hon. and @Eucalypt  my sister @BlueBay 

[oceangirl]

Hi @BlueBay 

Sitting here with my sister 

The only way forward is raise above all the negative feelings and especially the shame. The best revenge you can have on anyone is to be happy. I know you're a lovely person and you deserve nothing but happiness. One step at a time- even if it is just small positive steps. rest when you can and eat nutritious meals...

[Gazza75]

Hi @BlueBay , just wanted to check in with you today.  I hope you are feeling better.  Not sure if you are working or not.  Take care.  🙂 

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay 

You have been quiet since the other day - it must have seemed as if we were all talking at once when you posted about your visit to the therapist - I think we were all glad you are thinking that the therapy you are having is dragging your down - exhausting you - and I see little progress myself and wonder if you are being helped to overcome the distress you are naturally feeling

I hope you are taking it easy - that your crowded house is allowing you some privacy - that work is okay - that you are just chilling out a bit

We all care about you - I read what other people wrote - people really care about you here - people are really supportive

Hearing you

Dec

[Owlunar]

I'm wondering how you are feeling @BlueBay 

I guess you are at work - and that you feel really bruised and unhappy after your visit to your therapist - it really stirred you up

We really care about you here - I think we can see you so clearly because your writing really touches us - we can see and we can't heal your pain - how we wish we could

But we are here supporting you the best way we can - and although we all have our ideas of what might be the best for you it is your choice to do whatever therapy seems right for you - 

But it is tough - sending my best thoughts

Dec

I always find that flowers heal my heart when it hurts