Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

@Grasshopper3 

[Former-Member]

Coping.

I have noticed that a lot of us carers, including myself, initially access the forums as we find ourselves feeling desperate or worn out.  

Finding others who know what it is like to experience the grief and the lows and heartaches we have whilst caring for our loved ones has been invaluable.

I really feel that whilst there are terrible lows, we can live well in spite of these diagnoses and I have been grateful and am so thankful that here on the forum we can and do help build each other up by sharing coping mechanisms and encouraging each other to look after ourselves.

Why is this important? There are a number of studies that show carers are at greater risk for depression and are less likely to look after their own health.

I got off to a slow start in learning how to cope, self care had been mentioned but it took a long time for me to actually "get" it, to listen and follow the advice that is out there for carers.

I have found it to be true, that my own healing from the emotional assault that came with Mr D's crisis and diagnosis, learning about his Dx, how to better respond etc, as has also been studied, has indeed contributed to a better outcome for him and also for us as a couple.

There have been many people that have helped me along the way via forums, YouTube talks, carer support personnel, family and friends.

I will make specific mention of two things that really helped me, one was some carer education sessions, the other finding two websites that were ever so helpful.

The carer education was based on the CHIME recovery model adapted for carers. I could see that I was not going out as much, I had stopped doing hobbies, was not looking after my own health....  Rectifying this is a work in progress, still have a way to go, but hey, things are heaps better.

I also found two websites and the one that had the most profound impact on me was the "Fresh Hope for Mental Health" website;  It really helped instil hope in me, coming at a time when I was starting to lose hope. The tenets they have are practical, are for carers, not only for patients and are faith based.

The other was the "mhr4c" website that Qld health use, a diy carer course, practical advice, good for carers not living in Qld.

 https://freshhope.us/about-fresh-hope/

http://mhr4c.com.au

[Determined]

Really appreciating some of your posts here @Former-Member, very well written and relevant.

Last article reminds me that I was given a lead for possible carer support group in town that I need to follow up on. Something I have put in the too hard basket as it means stepping out of my comfort zone. 

[Former-Member]

I have found that self care has been a slow but steady process @Determined.  Jumping into too much at once would have been overwhelming for me.

As with most things in life, the self care path has not been smooth, I took a few steps forward, then one step back, dusted myself off and stepped forward again. 

Sometimes it is hard to know - do I step out of my comfort zone now and find I enjoy something or do I hold back as I am emotionally not strong enough? 

Being brutally honest with myself was a necessary exercise but having done this I was much better able to trust the decisions I made were going to be beneficial (but was gentle on myself if they weren't).

[Determined]

Jumping in to too much at once is an ongoing problem for me @Former-Member . Working on that one.

The result is often that I do too much too soon and run out of physical and emotional energy to continue then lack confidence to try again. Your encouragement and confidence here along with many others has been most helpful :face_with_rolling_eyes:

My goal this next 6 months is to set small goals and get some healthy routines in place. 

1. Diet

2. Exercise

3. Me time

4. GP endorsed and supervised 10kg weight loss target. 

[Shaz51]

I have noticed that a lot of us carers, including myself, initially access the forums as we find ourselves feeling desperate or worn out. -- yes I agree @Former-Member, would love to see more carers here interacting , have tried to involve others more but it is actually hat you said earlier @Faith-and-Hope

Jumping in to too much at once is an ongoing problem for me too @Former-Member, @Determined

[Determined]

I certinally wish I had found this space before I was in crisis @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope

The support here has been invaluable and I have learned so much . Now I just need to keep chipping away at this self care thing that seems so elusive ☺

[Shaz51]

I certinally wish I had found this space before I was in crisis, me too @Determined, , but we are here now , I have been here nearly 3 years now

[Former-Member]

Self care has been a slow process, adding one building block at a time, as a practice becomes regular, I have added another. 

In all this I needed to face the reality of my own shortcomings and where I had opportunity for personal growth, the other was assessing what was important to me and focus on those things and not worrying about what I am not able to do. 

As a couple we still have some hard lifestyle decisions to make in light of Mr D's diagnosis and the deficits he now has. This is going to be a slow process; love, gentleness and compassion will be needed.

[Former-Member]

Drawing on resources when days don't go so well for me means digging deep.  For me this often means counting blessings or finding something to smile about.