Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[tfishface]

Hi everyone, I'm 19 years old, so I'm a young carer & this is also my first time caring for someone.

This is my first time in the 2 years I have been committed to my partner that I have reached out to anyone who is also struggling with similar issue's & is reaching out for help themselves. I have only now started to realise that, if I didn't seek support soon, I may not only loose my relationship, but myself in the midst.
Bipolar is not easy. Mental illness, which ever it may be, is not only challenging, but it can be downright evil & overwhelming.
I wake up some nights at 3am, to my partner sitting up in bed next to me in the pitch black, crying uncontrollably because something I see as a small problem, she see's as world crumbling. I am worried to voice my opinion, or not do as she asks because her anger isn't just anger, it's venomous, hurtful words, & sometimes more...
I am told I'm loved one day, & the next I am hated & wanted to never bee seen again. No matter what, the emotions she has are escalated to the maximum.
And now, because I have forgotten about myself, I am resentful of her. I am rethinking our relationship, but it is because I haven't focused on myself. I am confused. I love my partner, she makes me feel whole though this is bringing me down.
I would love some advice & to hear people's experiences. I just feel like I'm the only one & I need to know I'm not.

[Appleblossom]

Tough situation.  Your partner sounds stressed and is releasing it.  The actual triggers may be small but when tipping points are reached it does not take much.

Some self protection is necessary if you are not able to sleep undisturbed.

My spouse had schizophrenia. Our marriage did not survive but we both did with some quality of life so that is something.

Good luck

[Former-Member]

Hi,

This sounds like a tough situation for you. You have not said in your post if your spouse is receiving any treatment. If they are as young as you it seems quite young to have this diagnosis. My son was diagnosed bipolar in his early twentys and had since had the diagnosis changed. The Black Dog institute site is a good source of information for Bipolar you might like to have a look at that. It is not good to live with fear of your partner. You could consider some counselling for yourself just to help you to work out some appropriate boundaries. Does you spouse have family that you could call to give you a bit of help?

Sorry i cannot help more.

[Linmerc]

Hi
I am so happy to read your post as you have reached out for support and this forum is the ideal place to vent and seek assistance. We all understand you and believe me you are NOT alone. We all have our stories of how MI has affected our lives and how we 'cope'.

I hope you and your partner are seeking medical or counselling help because you can't do it alone.

I feel so sorry for you that this is what you are dealing with especially at such a young age. I wish I could offer solutions but all i can offer is support. Please take care of yourself and your partner and remember you are not alone.

Stay strong

[Rhythm]

Hi @tfishface

Firstly just wanted to say hello and welcome to the forums! It's great that you've joined us.

The Sane Forums is a peer support network where individuals like you can speak about what they may be going through and is a good way to get conversation flowing about how to potentially progress further in situations.

I just wanted to jump in and echo the thoughts of the members that have contributed it is a really difficult situation to be caring for someone that is living with a mental illness, especially when one has been caring for them a very long time, and please know that you are not alone, and feel free to continue posting on these forums.

There is a post that comes to mind that could be helpful to mull over. But again just echoing the fabulous thoughts of members who have already posted. It seems like a really difficult situation, and we hope to 'see you' around the forums.

Stay Groovy!

Rhythm

[pjc11]

Hello, I just read your post and my heart goes out to you.You are so young to be having to deal with your partner and mental health. I applaud you for standing by your partner, beleive me that takes courage.You will learn so much along this journey and you will grow as a person, so its not all doom and gloom. :).

You are definately not alone.There are thousands of carers who have famliy, partners, loved ones who are in the same boat as you and I. We all need that support so I cannot express how important it is for you to reach out for your own health and well-being. It is not a weakness it is actually courages to realise that we cant do this alone .So It is great that you have reached out on this forum.You will gain knowledge and support from people like me who has many years experience as a carer of a family member with a mental illness. I also have suffered anxiety and epression, so I know what it is like from first hand experience. It was a good thing too because it helped me to really understand my daughter more and to feel like she did. Read up about Bi-polar and educate yourself as much as you can. knowledge is power. It's like anything that comes along in life, how can we possibly now what to do if we dont understand what we are dealing with. I remember when my daughter was diagnosed back in the late 1990's we had no idea or even had heard of her particular mental illness. So I bought books about it and also read up online too. I still refer to them now if I am stuck to refresh my mind or I dont understand a symptom or behaviour. The behaviours of a person with a mental illness are very challenging for anybody to deal with and to understand. Remember that most of the time what they say is not personal to you or your friends or family. Usually their anger and harsh words come from anxiety and or depression and that is a dark awful place to be in. I have learnt not to hold a grudge against my daughter and to tell her , its okay I understand how you feel. At the same time though I still enforce boundries as to what behaviours I will tolerate from her. Respect is important from anybody we come accross in life. She will usually apologise to me most of the time. Or I too need to apologise to her because I say harsh things to her at times. We are human and not made of steel, nobody likes to be yelled at or treated badly.Have you looked up ant of the mental health organisations like mental Illness foundation, MIND, there are many places and support groups out there to help you cope. Google mental illness organisations. 

Have you heard about Carers Victoria?. I strongly recommend them to anybody who is in a caring role, be it for a person with a disability or an aged person and many more types of care situations. I strongly advise you to look them up. They are a fantasttic organsation who work very hard to help carers like me and you. They have a department especially for YOUNG CARERS. Which is what you are. If you have a computer you can look them up on their website . www.carersvic,gov.au or telephone : ( I think that is correct ). Carers Respite connections in Footscray Vic : 93969500 or carers advisory line: 1800242636. 

 That is in Melbourne where I live, where you will find support and help. Did you know that you may be eligiable for a payment  from Centrelink payment whilst you are caring for your partner?. Please dont take my word for this as every case application is different. It doesn;t hurt to enquire. For many years I was not aware that I could receive any payment from them. If you are interstate, all states here in Australia  have a Carers Organisation. I could not continue my role as a carer without their support, they have been wonderful resource for me over the years. So rememebr that you are not alone and I hope what I have written here will help you to feel better. Take care and all the best.  

[pjc11]

I forgot to also add that counselling is also provided at Carers. You have the right to feel and to be safe in your relationship. Mental Illness or not. That is a priority. I nad many crares will relate to what you have said as in you have neglected yourself whilst caring for your partner. Thats is common amongst carers. You need your own space and times when you can go out to do something fun and enjoyable for YOU. Dont forget to take care of YOU. Boudries are needed to be put in place. get support for yourself .

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @fishface

How are you? I echo all this wonderful advice, i was also maRried to my love of my life, someone who experiences times a chronic mental ill health. Diagnosed chronic paranoid schizophrenia at 19 years old. 

Because the continued interference of my mother in law, my mother, his sister, we had no hope. But in the two year seperation  he quit drinking alcohol and drugs, its an amazing feat for him.

My advice comes from absolute lived experience, as many others are here. I am 47 years old so got a few years on you.

I completely back up what @pjc11 writes  but am maybe going to put something in the mix. FIRSTLY, arafmi ....here in Western Aistralia has group therapy for carers, its amazing, they probably have it where you are. You get not just the coordinators good advice but other peoples advice.

This is your partners life, its up him /her to manage it. Which means, is their medicine up to date?

I was so so stressed caring for my son, i wasnt aware of centrelink payments. I was so overwhelmed it was only until my son was in hospital and i was so completely .......oh ill with stress was when i wandered into a social workers room and Centrelink was actually in there and they actually Knew of my application.....that was a long time 

So this is what ide do.

1. Sign an agreement with your partner that 

A. He/she will agree to take responsibility for her side of the relationship. To keep up Medication appiontments. 

B. Both  be aware of symptoms and act accordingly.

C. Both join awareness group therapy individually or together.

D. You will get information on Current or Up to date information on mental health. Places like : Arafmi

                                   Carers.

Will have the up to date info.

I acactually joined a volunteer organization on changing state laws of my state. It kept me up to date on everything and sent me on courses.

Please keep on writing, please send in the agreement in for us to see, it may become an amazing journey for you both. Personally  I wrote a long paper on caring for people who experience times with mental ill health, its so exciting what you learn.