hello reader
i’ll get right into it. i’m in a long distance relationship (1300km roughly). my girlfriend, she’s been recently told she may have “PDD” (persistent depressive disorder) but will need to see a therapist for a proper diagnosis. she also underwent tests and results were:
depression 26
anxiety 10
stress 18
im not sure what the numbers mean, neither does she, but maybe someone here might find that info useful. she’s been going through an episode the past month or so. things were bad, but then her best friend of 6 years started mistreating her and eventually exited her life, due to him being jealous of me. ultimately, this upset her a lot, even leading her to SH that night. she lost her mother at a young age, her remaining family she lives with, they show 0 support, they mistreat her, there’s no respect for her. they make her feel alone and worthless. it’s been like this for her for as long as i can remember. that, added her the departure of her best friend, and all other small things have created this big episode for her. and it seems she’s stuck in a cycle. for the past month i could confidently say she has gotten herself drunk at least 14 nights. it’s gotten really bad. she’s admitted that alcohol is only temporary relief and that it even makes things worse afterwards, but it’s how she copes. she will not do therapy, will not speak about her problems to anyone. she refuses help because she would “rather deal with it alone” and says that other things have not helped her in the past, but only made things worse. she has told me that i can not help her, i never will be able to. she’s told me that it’s an “unwinnable” situation because if i don’t mention things or show interest, she will think i don’t care and will get upset, but if i do try to help her, it will make her feel worse because shell feel like things are being pushed onto her. i think it’s healthy she’s acknowledged these things and mentioned them, but that doesn’t really change much. her mindset is negative. no matter what, she always assumes the worse. she used an example the other day which i will add here:
”if i see my mirror, i think “oh wow that could fall and break. i could hurt myself, my cats could get hurt” where is the positive in that? there isn’t any”
ive tried to tell her she needs to change her mindset, but she says “it doesn’t work like that”. with her example above, i would tell her that the positive would be to not assume it’s going to fall? but her brain doesn’t think like that, and it makes it hard. she has no one. her family are terrible to her, i’ve known her long enough to see people come and go in her life. admittedly, i was one. she feels alone, she won’t let anyone in to help because shes never had it her whole life. she’s had to deal with it all alone. i am stuck. i dont know what to do. i believe she can’t be helped because she doesn’t allow for there to be any. she won’t let anyone in, she refuses to try things, even if they haven’t worked before. she’s very quickly to relapse onto alcohol when things get tough. there’s definitely stuff i want to add but have forgotten. we are meeting in a couple of weeks, it’s been planned for awhile. it’ll be our first time meeting in person. even with this, she thinks i won’t like her, despite knowing what she looks like already. she’s mentioned many times i will leave her eventually, and it upsets her because she “knows it”. she has tried to self sabotage a few times while drinking. nothing i say changes her mind. all i can think to do is to wait until we meet, make her feel loved and cared for and convince her to move in with me, or at least move out of where she is. the environment she’s in is terrible and im confident all of this stems from her living there, surrounded by negativity
if anyone has advice or anything, please tell me
