Lived Experience Forum

[skyburial]

I have no idea about recovery, if it's possible, suitable or even viable? I don't know what I want out of life, I've been this way seemingly since I was in preschool (I'm 24 now).

My issue is, I'm not sure what to call it... Beliefs/delusions that social interaction is immoral/unhealthy, that's as much as I know, it's a very conflicting feeling/experience.

So anyway, I recently joined a support group under the guidance of my mental health treating team's "pressure". The facilitators at the support group mention that one of the main goals/purposes for the group are for the participants to form relations/friendships with eachother... And that sets off a lot of discomfort within me, and makes me question whether I should even try such a thing? (I "ghosted" all my friends when highschool finished, because of the belief I have, and haven't spoken to anyone around my age in close to 8 years). 

I can answer questions, I was going to write more but I lost my thoughts (it's been happening quite a bit recently)

[NatureLover]

Hi @skyburial ...my thoughts on recovery are that often it's not a matter of a cure, but a matter of living the best life you can and functioning the best you can with managing your (my / our) mental illnesses or trauma. I think some healing is possible, but often not full healing...

I'm sorry that the support group is difficult for you. It must be a very hard condition to manage...

[chibam]

Hi @skyburial,

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@skyburial wrote:

I have no idea about recovery, if it's possible, suitable or even viable? I don't know what I want out of life...

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Recovery can be difficult if you don't know what it is for you. The success of a journey generally depends on knowing where it is you want to go.

But contemplating/aspiring towards "recovery" would seem to imply that you aren't happy with the way things are now. So, what about "now" is unsatisfactory for you? And what would the ideal version of that situation be? If you can't pinpoint an ideal, can you at least envision a version that is adequate, or at least better then the way things are now?

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@skyburial wrote:

So anyway, I recently joined a support group under the guidance of my mental health treating team's "pressure".

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I can relate to feeling pressured by therapists. IMHO, it's certainly one of the more problematic vices of the industry.

In this case, I can't help but wonder if it might be aggitating your confusion/lack of clarity. Do you know why you are participating in the support group? Is it because it offers something you genuinely want, or are you only doing it to appease people who are putting pressure upon you?

I'm not sure what your treatment options are, but do you think it might be worth getting a second opinion about whether this support group is right for you?

[Zoe7]

I tend to agree with @chibam here @skyburial  Recovery is a very subjective ideal and very much depends on where you want to be and how you yourself can get there. I believe as a species we over estimate the ideal or 'perfect' as a whole. What is both for each person is very individual. Recovery therefore is a very personal ideal. In saying that it is very possible to reach a level of satisfaction with our own recovery but the trick then is to be able to maintain that and further grow from it. I very much subscribe to the 'life long learning' ideal - everything we do, everything we go through and everything we encounter is a learning process - sometimes it is positive but quite often not so. All experiences do however help to shape the person we are and over time we learn ways to both endure, challenge and improve our own lives according to what it is we want out of it for ourselves. I do not believe that anyone should or needs to settle for less than they want in life - some things are more challenging than others to achieve but we all have the ability to strive for what we want - the most important part of that though is that you need to want it and have support and resources to achieve it.

As for the support group - it is not support if it is not something you want or feel is valuable to you. In my experience, some therapists push for those type of interactions as they believe it is an essential part of the human experience but everyone is different and pushing that type of connection/interaction on everyone is very single minded. I personally am very good in group situations but I do not like them. In your case the expectation that you are expected to form friendships from the one you are in does not at all take into account that you may not feel any connection with any of the members. We form friendships for many different reasons but with all friendships there is some form of mutual interest. If the only connection you have with these members is MI then that is not, in my opinion, a good basis for forming any friendship - you need to have other things in common that you can share and expereince together. It is the same here on the forum - we are all here because of MI in some form but the friendships and connections we form here are not based on that - it is based on similarities, shared values, mutual interests and passions. 

Do not be afraid to say you have nothing in common with any of the people in your group or do not see any lasting friendships developing - just because you are being pushed into something (just in all aspects of our lives) it does not always work. Being alone does not always equate to loneliness either so distinguishing between the two is important - and determining what you want/need in life in order to move forward in a meaningful way to you is also important. Only then can any form of healing or recovery begin.

[skyburial]

@Zoe7 

I know recovery is individual to the person, but I don't know what ails me, my mental health professionals don't know either, (they THINK it's a chronic psychotic illness, but that's a very, very broad diagnosis/idea), and I can't seem to find anyone with a similar issue to mine (the thinking that social interaction is immoral/unhealthy) I'd like to just see how they dealt with it.

I realise loneliness and being alone is different, I feel as though I have to be "normal" and that puts massive pressure on myself, as I don't know what I truly want. I've never been interested in people or even objects/pursuits but that's not "normal", having beliefs/delusions/whatever that social interaction is immoral/unhealthy isn't "normal", I don't know how to find comfort in that, maybe that's how I "recover" being a certain level of comfortable with not being normal.

I've asked every diagnosis' forum related to my possible diagnosis, and not one related to my plight, I've been to hospital multiple times and I did not relate to anything that went on in there (the groups, the other people's ailments etc.)

(I'm on my phone, and the text box glitches/bugs out if I try to edit it, sorry for any issues with my writing.)

[Zoe7]

That is really difficult @skyburial I have not come across anyone here who feels the same so I cannot point you in the right direction  What I can do is 'listen' and support you though so happy for you to tag me when you need to talk.