Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

@outlander @Jynx @tyme 

I told my parents how I want to go inpatient again. I did say how my suicidal thoughts are worse, but I didn't say anything about what happened a week and a bit ago. 

[Birdofparadise8]

@tyme my dad made a comment that it's most likely my gut and that I need my microbiome looked at. He said because you were prem, there is a higher chance of not having a good microbiome. I'm like, okay, but it still won't take into consideration how shit I still feel. 

[Jynx]

Not sure re: mollycoddling @Birdofparadise8 as I don't know enough about the therapeutic style your other supports utilise. Could be that he has a more hands-on approach, and like you said he's ready to start challenging you day 1. Sometimes we need gentle, validating experiences, but if nothing is changing, having someone there to push us can be really helpful. 

Re: telling your parents - I think you took a good step in letting them know you've been struggling with SI lately. Maybe next step might be to let them know about the attempt, maybe that will happen later when you're ready. Something to consider - if there is a reason they might find out another way, would it perhaps be better if they hear it from you? I am not sure how they might find out mind you, I'm just speculating (and thinking about the time that something similar happened to me once, where my mum found out from someone else about me accessing therapy and she was really distressed). 

[Jynx]

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@Birdofparadise8 wrote:

@tyme my dad made a comment that it's most likely my gut and that I need my microbiome looked at. He said because you were prem, there is a higher chance of not having a good microbiome. I'm like, okay, but it still won't take into consideration how shit I still feel. 

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Have a look into the 'gut brain' @Birdofparadise8 - our digestive systems actually are heavily involved in our mental state. They even produce some of the neurochemicals that are responsible for our emotions (Source). Definitely something to consider. It's why looking at the whole picture is important - our psychological experiences are just one piece of the puzzle. Biopsychosocial model encompasses this - that we are not just our minds, we're also our bodies and we exist in relation to our environment. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Ah okay, that's okay @Jynx 

Would it be okay for me to tell them both that he thinks they are mollycoddling me or not to tell them? I don't want to upset them, but if it helps, especially with my regular at KHL. 

It was hard to tell them, that's for sure, but not as bad as it had been. I'm not sure I'm ready to tell them what I did. I don't see how they would find out because only you all know the hospital in ED, psych and KHL and the hospital I will go to soon. I didn't tell my aunt or uncle. 

I really wanted to talk to my aunt tonight, but she is busy doing her new private practice stuff. I have to wait and tell her until next Friday. I will see her tomorrow and Monday, but that is a family thing we are doing as my mum and dad are coming over tomorrow.

[Birdofparadise8]

I do fully understand the gut-mind connection. Don't get me wrong @Jynx 

I just wish my dad could have been like oh okay I'm sorry to hear you are struggling again. Not straight into it's all in your gut and that's it. Does that make sense? 

[tyme]

Hey @Birdofparadise8 ,

Have you thought about the benefit of telling your KHL and others that they are being too soft? Will it be beneficial? Otherwise, there's probably no reason you need to say anything.

Therapy is for therapy, KHL is for crisis. Each has a different purpose, right?

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @tyme 

That is true. I'm just not sure. We don't always talk about crisis stuff, though we also have our weekly session. 

[tyme]

I haven't had a promotion @Birdofparadise8 - remember the tech issues where I couldn't remove the name Community Manager? This is still part of it lol. I met with the tech person yesterday to get it sorted. I wasn't keen on the role 'Community Manager' because I don't like the thought of 'managing people'. I like to work with people instead. Hope that makes sense.

[Birdofparadise8]

Yes, I do remember @tyme 

So now you are called community lead instead of manager?