Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

Hope I'm not too late to reply.

Find some caring beautiful friends that truly and genuinely understand what your're going through. Though I still believe that the only ones that understand are the ones that have either gone through a mental illness themselves or have a family member with an illness that understand.

Six years ago I remembered I was sexually abused as a child. That was over 30 years ago. For 6 weeks I didn't tell my husband or children, the only person that knew was my psychologist. I then decided with the hlep of my psych that I would tell my husband in a joint session.  I had written down a letter and explained the abuse. It was very emotional for all.

For 8 months I didn't tell anyone else. I then decided that I needed and wanted to tell my parents. Well that was the first day of disaster and is still continuing. The day my husband and I went to visit my parents my mum was only there, telling me my dad didn't want to hear what I had to say. She then started yelling at me and saying 'how dare you wait 30 years to tell me'.  She was saying my husband wasn't a 'proper man' as he should have gone and told her. She didn't want to listen to me at all, so I got up and with all my strength that i had left (whcih wasn't much) I walked out. That was 6 yrs ago. I then posted a letter explaining how much i love them, need them and about the abuse, my depression - but - the letter was sent back to me.

So @Former-Member I know it is hard to tell family and friends. I found it extremely difficult to tell my family. 

For me now I have a few very close friends who i can confide in and one sister (out of a family of 6) that i only talk to.  

I think if you can surround yourself with some loving friends who are caring, nurturing and supportive as well  as your husband and the family that do support you - then that's all you need.

Wish you all the best

[Drac0]

Wow @BlueBay, almost every time I read one of your posts I learn something new about you, your past & thoughts. Makes some of my issues seem trivial at times.

It's so hard for many to open up and tell people about things, especially those closest to us. A lot of it is fear of their reaction. We can spend days, weeks, months or even years creating images of how it will go. And when we finally work up courage to say something it can be quite shocking or disturbing when they don't react as expected. It can range from acceptance & support through total indifference to outright rejection, not only of the illness but sometimes you as a person too.

It seems we're seeing some of the extremes in this thread. @Former-Member got the best result from close friends being loving, caring, supportive & willing to learn to be part of her support network. The best it can be.

Sadly both @Former-Member & @BlueBay seem to go towards the other end of the spectrum when it comes to parents. Hopefully over time things can be changed  but one day you may need to decide what is more important - their acceptance or your own well-being.

I still love the idea of being ready & willing to educate people you do tell. Giving them an opportunity to learn something of what you're going through. Maybe including other information could be helpful too. Maybe things like:

Helping A Loved One With Bipolar - Informative site about how to support someone with bipolar, the signs, symptoms & dealing with their mania & depression.

Worst Things To Say To Someone With Bipolar Disorder - I'm sure many of us have heard a few of these many times. They can all be very annoying & downright hurtful.

There are many sites out there with information for various mental illnesses, just be sure to filter out the ones with poor or inaccurate information. If they are willing to learn, don't hesitate to give them the tools.

Take care, keep safe.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Drac0

I think everyone has their own issues and it doesn't matter if some others are more traumatic than others - they are still are issues and I guess everyone deals with them differently.

I think I will post a new message with an introduction about myself - that way it doesn't 'interfere' with other peoples' posts.

I know my result from my parents is an extreme, to say the least. And you're right I don't know if i ever want to see them again.  But I will write more on my own post. Hope you get to read it.

[Wisewomen]

The most important thing to remember is telling family and friends is for you and not them. Whatever means you choose will get acceptance from some and denial from others. 

I told my parents in person that I was having a nervous breakdown and when I burst out into tears it was my dad that gave me a hug and said i love you and what can you do for you darling. My mum a practical stern women said nothing and started to pray for me,  which bothered me to no end. However my older sister stepped in to be my rock and that was all that mattered. 

Know that your parents are aware of your bipolar and it's a good thing. If they can't give you what support and comfort you need from them that's ok. They may need time, need to get information about the condition or just don't know what to do. The spiritual prayers from the parent in laws will not harm anyone and are a positive energy force that helps them accept ur situation. 

As long as your happy with how your parents were told that's the main thing. 

[Former-Member]

I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you @BlueBay. It's not nice when people especially loved one and parents don't act in a supporting way. Sounds like you do have an amazing husband though.

@Drac0 I've always grew up knowing that I can't control people and what they say, feel and do so I'm expecting it all. And yes I'm human it's going to hurt and I may want to punch them at the time. But I'm not going to dwel on something I have zero control over. I've also never needed anyone's acceptents or wanted it. The only acceptents I really need is myself.

For me personally I don't think my parents well father is taking it well is because he is a part to blame why I am the way I am. When I was a childi got zero say on what I saw and how I was spoken to. As an adult though I just say get out of my life and put a full stop to it. I think he is feeling guilty and does not like that at all and is doing what ever he can to feel in control and better.

I didn't tell him I had bipolar as I'm not talking to him so my mum called him and told him and explained it out for him. She also said to him they both are partially to blame and with my therapy I will be looking back over the past and some yucky stuff may come out. Apparently my dad was scared about that and agreed. My mum is trying to be helpful and is seeing someone her self now to help understand me and what when on it the past. But it gets annoying as she's acting all inacent and as the victim in all of it. But as I told her she was the adult and parent and she could of left all the idiot violent man. Ain't my fault.

@Wisewomen at the moment I'm my new journey I'm not really concerned about me. Yer it bugs and hurts me when they are stupid. But I really want them to look after them self when I'm on the attack or go quiet. I'm far from a nice person and I don't want them to burn out from me. I always put others first. It's just what I do. Maybe 1 time I might put me first.

Yet the prays don't bother me, I'm use to that. It's just I wish they understood more. Hopefully they read the information.

[GothMum]

I found informing my father of my kids' diagnoses via email was reasonably straightforward. He was more comfortable with me doing it that way than in person, where he would not have known what to say. It meant he had time to research the diagnoses before we saw each other. It also meant he didn't have to ask the difficult questions about why my kids seemed 'behind' compared to his wife's grandchildren. 

But, I've been writing an email - editing, reformatting, changing - a letter about my own diagnosis for maybe two years ... I can't tell him face to face, because I never see him without his (excessively judgmental) wife.

Of course if I felt comfortable actually telling him, it would help make sense of some of my unusual reactions to a variety of things throughout my life.... But is it actually worth it? Or is he going to make out that I'm telling him to get something out of him? When I tried, oh about 30 years ago, to talk about my mother's abuse that was the reaction I got from him. And I buried those memories for the longest time. I don't have any contact with my mother.

thanks for starting this discussion @Former-Member. It's a biggie for many of us, I feel. 

[Robertmelbourne]

I'm afraid that I found out about this link only today, via SANE's Facebook page. Accordingly, I hope that I'm not too late.

My own parents are long since dead, so naturally in my case the issue of discussing it with them does not arise. They both knew - it was impossible not to know - the severity of my mental illness, but they had the greatest difficulty in acknowledging it to others. And my sister still bridles at the very idea of discussing the topic. Therefore I refrain from discussing it.

[Former-Member]

I thought this place was my safe little world. A world where I could not be judged but guided and told truth. A place where I was safe to say what's really going on in my mind. Not a place for my story to be shown on Facebook that my friends and family could now easily find.

None of them know I'm off my meds, none of them know about my issues with pain killers and only my husband knows about myself self harming. I'm a very very proud person who only wants to be seen as a winner and perfection by the people around me. I come from a line of losers and I don't want to be associated with them in anyway even if that means I have to fake a lot of stuff. Now I get to have this scared feeling that one day they will come across my story and put two to two together.

I'm also far from a place where I can use my illness to help others. Everyone says use your bad for good and bless others. Hell no! I just don't want the bad!!! I'm far from that kind of thinking and sorry if that sounds rotten or selfish and I know a lot of you are using your bad times to help others but I literally can not do that at this time of my life. I'm still trying to accept my differences.

[Former-Member]

Hi loulathecat,
The link from sanes Facebook would only give a brief description of the topic for people if they are interested and would then link to the thread. Though i can understand feeling a bit vulnerable, I do too at times for diff reasons. @NikNik or @CherryBomb can individuals request not to have threads posted on fb or links put out?
Sorry that this has thrown you, I hope that you are ok,
Lj

[Former-Member]

This issue is that it's my link name being used and if someone I know sees it that will be able to put things together. Yes I know there's a chance they could randomly stumble on to this page and figure it out. But there's more of a chance of them finding it out on FB because it's the craze now for people to pretend they care about people with mental illness and share it so they can feel good about them self.

Far from good. I feel like I got zero place I can be myself and lost all trust in everything. My mum is right you come into the world alone you leave alone and the only person you can really trust in the end is yourself.