I can’t cope

[Jynx]

@Captain24 💜🫂

Totally fair, it's a pretty cerebral message and you've probably got very little capacity for the big thinky thinky right now. Honestly I feel that! We shall both be off to bed now hmmm? No dishes for us, nah I give us both permission to chuck it in the f... err the suck it bucket!! 😝

Be gentle with your wonderful self ok, we chat tomorrow! 😊

[Captain24]

Yeah. I’m going to bed. @Jynx Have a good night and restful sleep

[Captain24]

Hey @Jynx 

Its hard not to shame myself when I don’t see any good in me. You’re right though, it is my fault and while I want to help myself I’m not able to do it right now. 

I do believe in anhedonia I just dont know if thats what this mess is. 

I went up the street early this morning. I wanted to get in and out and not see anyone. But no, in woollies car park I ran into someone. That opened up to me about every misery in her life. She said at 60 she doesn’t know who she is. It was about a 30 minute chat. She didn’t stop. She cried a few times. She said she had no one. I feel for her, I really do but I can’t take anything else on board. It’s too hard and it makes me feel unsafe. 

Also.. I currently feel pressured and judged in here so I’m no longer comfortable. I struggled to get to sleep last because I was so unsafe. I had to make myself stay in bed.

Im going to bed now anyway

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

It was a really spiritual trip. It was a pilgrimage. I took a lot out of it and did a lot of soul searching. 

I’m not sure I could go overseas by myself. I can holiday anywhere here on my own but not over there. 

$40 is cheap. It was $90 one way to Sydney here. The planes stopped running in December though. It was a tiny little one.

$20000 is a lot of flights! Sounds like there will be a lot of you. The kids should love the experience. 

Everything has gone up since Covid. While it was really helpful in some aspects (Telehealth) it change the economy for the worse. 

Do you do Easter? Or just eat the chocolate? But yes the prices are ridiculous. 

Im in nightshift for the next 2 nights if you notice me missing. 

Have a good couple of days. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 hey hun, I know you're at work tonight so I will reply to your post properly later on - but suuuuper quickly, 

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@Captain24 wrote:

You’re right though, it is my fault

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Where, oh where did I say it was 'your fault'?! These things are often automatic!! That might be you but it is not something you're at fault for. 

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@Captain24 wrote:

Also.. I currently feel pressured and judged in here so I’m no longer comfortable. 

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Feel free to email us about this and we can chat about it a bit futher? 

Hope your shift goes okay! Sending many a hug, plus a high five, a hand shake, several hip shakes, and helluva hearty huzzah!! 💜

[tyme]

Heya @Captain24 ! How are you?

[Captain24]

Just quick as I don’t have much time @tyme @Jynx 

@Jynx self- sabotage and I’m the one that says it so it’s all my own fault. 

It’s pointless emailing. No one cares anyway. I just have to accept that this space isn’t safe. 

@tyme I replied to you email from Sunday it’s just above as I only replied this morning. 

How you are both ok 

I’ll finish getting ready for work.

Have a good night. 

[ArraDreaming]

I don’t get how saying hi and trying to include you is unsafe and triggering I am trying to be nice and include you in this community that you say time and time again you feel outside of
Sorry for trying man

[tyme]

Thanks for replying @Captain24 .

I've just read your reply.

Yes, I have to say after COVID, everything has skyrocketed!

Rent is HUGE! I feel bad for people who are renting. Then again, owners have been slammed with so many taxes which trickles down to the renters.

I'm not sure the kids are looking forward to the trip. I think they just want to go on a plane again.

[Jynx]

@Captain24 just letting you know I do see your struggles hun, and I'll reply properly tomorrow. Look after yourself ok? Hugs 💜