Lived Experience Forum

[WIP]

It's such a battle though @NatureLover 

I HATE how depression makes me feel. I can't keep going for much longer & to be honest, I don't want to keep going like this.  These new meds better start making a small improvement soon, or I don't know how I'll get through each day. It's torture.

[NatureLover]

I know, @WIP ...I can relate. 😞

I am also hoping your new meds start to kick in soon. 

[WIP]

I've struggled with depression most of my adult life, but have never been as bad as I have in the past 2 years. Last year was filled with terrible loss & grief.
The pandemic and isolation this year has had such a huge impact on me, that I've been in a deep, deep depression since early in the year. Changing meds probably wasn't timed very well, but to me it's a better alternative than another round of ECT, which my pdoc was suggesting. 
It's the unknown of how long we'll be trapped in our homes that is playing on my mind and gets me more worried and anxious each day.

Are you stable with your depression atm? You seem to be doing very well @NatureLover 

[NatureLover]

I'm really sorry to hear that you've suffered such loss and grief, @WIP . 😞

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@WIP wrote:

It's the unknown of how long we'll be trapped in our homes that is playing on my mind and gets me more worried and anxious each day.

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I'm wondering, do you have a yard or garden, that you could sit out in each day, with a cup of coffee or something? Just to help you feel less trapped? I realise the weather isn't helping much! But you said you have trouble getting out for walks, so I wondered if some fresh air might help, without walking I mean...

Yes, my depression's been stable for about 12 years now. But I spent a large part of my life before that with depression, and the longest trot was 3 years intensely suicidal, as I think I told you. I wasn't able to function. I'm not sure how I survived it, but I'm glad I did. 

[WIP]

Yeah, last year was pretty tough @NatureLover - I lost my father to a short cancer battle, not long after my job was made redundant, then my Mum decided she wanted to sell the family home of 43 years, so I helped with that (& it was no small task, the house was huge & my Dad was a bit of a hoarder), then my dog got very sick and passed away, he was my 14 y.o baby (I'm single & don't have kids) and then Mum and I had to find her a new home and move her into it.  Lots & lots of big life moments/stressors all in the one year..Topped off with 2 rounds of ECT that made me worse, not better.

I don't have a yard or garden, but a small courtyard. It's not very pretty, as I've neglected it for the past couple of years and my new pup dig out what small plants I had around. I sometimes sit out on the deck & have my coffee. It's just not a very pretty place to sit. I could walk and buy a takwaway coffee and sit in a park on the way back, but I'm trying to save money. So I couldn't do that every day, but sometimes.

Im so glad you've been stable for 12 years, after your longest tough period lasting 3 years. I think that's where I'm at, at the moment. I'm not sure how I'll survive either. Hopefully, I'll be lucky like you and come out the other side too.

[NatureLover]

Your year last year sounds unbelievably awful, @WIP 😞 

I'm glad you do have a courtyard and somewhere to sit outside on the deck 🙂

I'm hoping and trusting that you will also come through this, @WIP .

[WIP]

Thank you @NatureLover 

I don't share your hope and trust at this point in time, but I'm working on being more positive.

Thanks for chatting with me @NatureLover  I appreciate it 😊❤️

[NatureLover]

My pleasure...and good on you for working on being more positive, which is incredibly hard with depression 👍

Sending you a big hug @WIP 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @WIP ,

I'm sorry to hear the low feelings have an eased yet, even with the new medication. I guess it still needs time to kick in? I heard it is about 6 weeks...am I right?

I generally am a very positive person, but I guess the last few days have gotten the better of me and I gave into my old ways. Anyway, I'm resisting my impulses now and hope things change tomorrow. Believe it or not, @WIP , I have my lows too. I guess what makes it harder for me is that I don't know why I get so down. 

Hang in there @WIP . I can see why specialists recommend ECT. There are just people who are resistant to meds and I guess ECT 'resets' things. I know the side effects can be horrible, but it has made a huge difference to some people who know they will not be alive without it.

We are here with you @WIP . Right here sitting with you.

BPDSurvivor

[WIP]

Evening @BPDSurvivor 

I'm sorry to hear the last few days have gotten the better of you.   You've had a lot on your plate recently. Good on you for resisting your impulses and I too hope tomorrow is better for you.

They say meds can take anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks. My pdoc is confident we'll know by about week 4. I don't see him this week, but will be bumping the dose up again on Wednesday. When I see him next, I'll have been on the medication 3 weeks and a week of that on the maximum dosage.  Just have to wait and see......

I'm fairly confident he'll add an augmentation of some sort, as I'm treatment resistant after all.

ECT is not for me. It made me worse, and increased my anxiety x 100. I don't remember a lot of last year because of the ECT. Nope, it's not for me - too traumatic an experience.

I really hope you feel better this week @BPDSurvivor You deserve to!

I appreciate your support. x