Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Biscuit]

Hi,<br><br>I'm new here. I found his forum tonight after a bit of a fight with my husband. He's had major anxiety for about 6 years now, and depression for at least the last 12 months if not more. This week has been particularly bad as he has a massive sinus headache that had him freaking out thinking it was meningitis or cancer...<br><br>Meanwhile I've had chronic migraines and tension headaches for severa years now; anxiety and depression since I was a kid, that I currently control with medication and a beautiful psychiatrist.<br><br>I just got to the point tonight where I feel so defeated. For so long I've just wanted him to be the one looking after me for a change - like he did when we were dating and my relationship with my mum, who is a recovering schizophrenic with extensive and complex mental health issues, was particularly strained. I feel like I've been the one caring and having to put my own issues aside for so long....<br><br>I don't usually complain like this, tho I guess that's kinda the point. I don't know how to cope right now. I don't know what I want - sympathy? Advice? But venting helps a little...

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @Biscuit,

Welcome to the forums, its great that you found us this is the perfect place for venting and seeking understanding and support when you are feeling in need. Writing it out helps many people so please feel welcome to keep telling your story and updates as you can / need. 

it sounds like things are actually escalating for your husband and he is feeling worse? is he getting any support besides you? because it is an awful lot for you to deal with on your own, even if you didnt have your own struggles and difficult history... It is wonderful to hear that you have a psychiatrist who you trust, do they also provide psychotherapy? 

There are a number of people here who are supporting partners, I wonder if anyone has any thoughts?  @sammysparrow @Violet @clarity @tryintokeepsane There is a discussion here and here that discuss similar experiences 

[Lunar]

Hello @Biscuit,

That sounds like a lot to be taking on at the moment no wonder you are feeling quite burnt out at the moment, it's great that you are getting lots of support from your Psychiatrist, are you also seeing a Psychologist at all?

There are some organisations who help those caring for a loved one with a mental illness, like yourself, you are able to call their helpline for support or ask about the types of programs and other support they can offer you which might make you feel more supported and able to cope better?

Mental Health Carers Australia

1300 554 660

http://www.mentalhealthcarersaustralia.org.au/

I am glad that venting on here helps, please keep sharing with us we are all here for you,

Lunar

[BeHappy]

Hi @Biscuit,

It's only natural that in a relationship, you want to care, as well as be cared for. Though your situation seem unbalanced. This is not to put your partner or you down, but more pointing out that both people in a relationship have needs, and it can be very draining, or in your words 'defeating' to feel like you needs simply go unnoticed.

May I ask a question? Is your partner capable of to attending to your needs? If so, to what extent can he? He may not be able to, but this does not mean that your needs should go unnoticed. Are there other people you can turn to who can care for you?

It's ok to vent - In fact, I think it's important. It's part of self care. I don't think it's complaining at all. @Biscuit, are there are things that you can do to care for you? Even if it's simply having a lazy morning, just something to recharge the batteries and treat yourself.

Speaking of which, I came across this thread today which you might be interested in.

[NotSoCrayCray]

I feel for you. Sadly it seems the people caring for others are often overlooked when it comes to their own mental health.

Ive had a bit of a hard time lately because of my Missus, im usually mentally strong but it definetly started taking its toll on me these past few months. Coming here and just writing stuff out has been a big help to get things off my chest and most of the replies ive got from people seem to make me feel a little better, even if its only because I know im not alone.

Hopefully it can do the same for you.

[Shaz51]

Hello @NotSoCrayCray, @Biscuit, @BeHappy, @Lunar, @Fancy_Pants

yes i asked myself that question " what about Me ""

Yes @NotSoCrayCray, it makes a difference when we share , the forum has helped me alot

how is everyone today @Uggy78, @Bandit1, @Liverpool10, @Delice

[Liverpool10]

Hi All, 

Yesterday turned out to be a positive day! One day at a time. My hubby is definitely returning to himself again.

I am only new to this forum and the support is overwhelming. Being able to write about things is definitely helping! At times I have felt alone also. I do have supportive friends and family but I don't always reach out to them. As it isn't something they always understand.

It has taken me a while to learn that no matter what is going on, it is okay to put yourself first once in a while! I did it for the first time on the weekend- I went and saw some friends. It was the hardest thing I have done in some ways- other ways it was the best. It gave me time to sort and clear my head out and then come back to battle on- if that makes sense?

[Biscuit]

Hi all,

Thanks so much for all your replies! It has taken me ages to get back and reply but I've felt encouraged by your commiseration and advice as we've journeyed through the ups and downs of the last month or two.

Hubby has been less moody lately (a refreshing change!) but his anxiety has been barely controlled. He today made an appointment with the GP to renew his mental health plan, and left a message with his psychologist, which he's been meaning to do for a while now, so that's really encouraging. He has been freaking out pretty much daily about things the average person wouldn't even think about.

I've been a bit up and down myself - I am caught in this horrendous brain fog, and even simple tasks are difficult to complete (for example, grabbing the tap instead of the lever to turn the water on, putting the cup back in the fridge instead of the milk, forgetting what I'm meant to be doing etc) and I've been feeling a bit stressed having heaps I need or want to get done and being too slow and disoriented (and impeded by small children) to make much progress. I am looking forward to seeing my psychiatrist again next week - I haven't seen her since September last year!

What do you guys do to de-stress - especially those with young kids? I feel like I have so much I need to get done that it's almost a sin to sit and just relax doing not much!