Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

After my session with my regular psych on Tuesday I have written a letter expressing my anger towards him.

I have put in so much effort into this letter that I am sort of proud of myself for (a) writing the letter and (b) expressing for the first time how I feel.  

I have never been able to express myself to others for fear of being judged, laughed at and feeling so stupid.  But lately I have been able to write things down and let people know how I feel about what they said or did.  I still get scared though of what their reaction will be but I suppose this is a process and it takes time to work on it.

I am not sure what to do reg. my psych.  I do have another appt in 2 weeks and maybe I will go back with my letter and give it to him or maybe I will cancel the appt and see no one.  But my therpaist and gp have said to me that I need to be under a psych's care.  

I don't know what I should do.  Do I give my psych another chance and explain to him how I felt about the last session.  Or do I give up and find another psych yet again.

[Drac0]

I'm glad you did write that letter @BlueBay, whether you do anything with it or not. You probably do need to stay under a psychs care, just a question of which. Waiting to see his reaction to your letter is an option, see if he starts to understand how you feel and your reaction to his comments. I know you said you we're going to show the letter to you GP so maybe he can advise you.

I think it is a good idea to perhaps see the lady psych you mentioned, but you need something between now & then. Of course, there is then the issue of having to go through everything again with someone new.

Writing things out is good & part of their response is how you write it. You can say the same thing several ways & each will bring a different reaction. As you say, it's a process & will become easier the more you do it, you will find the right words.

Whatever you decide, I hope it goes well. Take care & stay safe.

[PeppiPatty]

dear @BlueBay

It actually shows how very clever you are in that you are keeping up the communication with your Psychiatrist whether you see him or not. By writing that letter shows to me how impartant it is to you to get better. 

It's what you actually do after seeing the Psychiatrist is what is very interesting. You choose to keep up the communication...the dialogue by writing the letter. The moderators here are so much more cleverer than me in what I write and what they are interested in........I'm very very fine with that.............. but for me ....the action is more clever than what I would do after seeing a Psychiatrist.

So I guess that is what Im trying to write 

Is that it doesnt matter in how you have written the letter;

but how you feel is the most important.

Because you are keeping up the flow of communication in a very intelligent way. 

If you shoose to show him the letter or whatever, please hold onto that.

A woman who is homeless and walks the streets was commented on Social media in the group of people that I relate to. They posted her letter and were laughing 

As usual, I just commented  as well as others.....that a woman who no one talks to write a LETTER and communicated in a beautiful clear minded way, we were so impressed.

[Jaz3]

Hi @BlueBay, there is absolutely no shame in shopping around for a good psych. Well done for acknowledging they don't fit you. You need to find a new one pronto.
Ask yourself would you rather a male or female? Do you have past trauma? (mine is domestic violence as a child-which is very real trauma a but gets swept under the carpet)
Ask how much years experience they have in dealing with people with your issues (I'm not sure if you are properly diagnosed, abd even if you were they shouldn't just concentrate on your diagnosis but the CAUSE,which is usually trauma based) start researching what best sits with you.
Is it a psychiatrist? You may need a psychoanalyst, or Neuro psychologist.
If you are in a fix and need to talk to someone try talking to yourself "I am.safe and I'm feeling upset, restless and that is okay "
The I am safe, and I feel (list as many as you want) abd that is okay " is really important. Try not to shame your feelings away, sit with them and learn to comfort yourself. Alot of people are scared of their feelings because they are more terrifying then death, but they won't destroy you.
You'll be ok. I can tell you have a fighting spirit(which means you do want to get better, you just need a better therapist to walk you through it,not shame or scare you )
Hope that makes sense
I would recommend to look at poster levine s YouTube clips on self soothing

Hope that helps

[GothMum]

Can't agree more, @Jaz3. The wrong peep is effectively a waste of time. And yes, witnessing DV as a child is very real trauma that some rather unenlightened types do underestimate. How can witnessing DV as a child NOT have effects on one's adult life - whether it's in how we conduct our relationships or in the ways /reasons we might avoid interpersonal relationships.

[Appleblossom]

Thanks  @Jaz3I checked that youtube re Peter Levine.

Witnessing DV has to be scary and set up confusions either to react or copy it.@GothMum

Also ... witnessing a lot of not talking ... which was my experience ... and being in a low socioeconomic area where everybody else seemed to yell and scream at each other ...

it all effects how we socialise, which is the bottom line in relationships,

[Jack_Heath]

Hey SG, hope you are travelling better.  Just read through your recent journey - thanks for your courage and persistence.  Sounds like it's really tough for you but admire how you are sticking at things.  Kudos to you.  BND