Lived Experience Forum

[Queenie]

I have this unrelenting fear of ending up homeless and on the street again. Also having no money because of that situation. 

I know this fear is caused by the fact that this has actually happened in the past, prior to receiving my DSP. I had literally no money at all and slept in parks and railway stations and got by with help from charities supporting the homeless. My Dad found out I was homeless and without money and agreed to visit me and handed my $20 for phone credit so I could make a few calls to Centrelink here and there to try and get emergency assistance. 

This fear is kept at bay by keeping people at arm's length, something I find easy because of the negative symptoms of my schizophrenia (difficulty making and maintaining proper relationships is one of my symptoms). For this reason, I am stand-offish about moving in with my gf, despite having a good relationship with her and her family offering to take me in. I'm not homeless now, I have a place in housing commission and while it is in a good location, I have many problems with my neighbours (lots of stealing and fighting going on there). I want desperately to move, but I'm afraid. I don't want to let my gf down, but I am terrified of being rejected and then having nowhere to go, winding up homeless again. It has happened twice before. 

Is it a case of third time's a charm?

[Kurra]

Hi @Queenie,
This I can understand all too well ascI was homeless for 8.5 months. The streets etc aren't the best place to live but I also learnt a lot about the inherent me. I am a survivor.

I was very grateful for the McDonald's bottomless cup of coffee. It meant that I could charge my phone and spend the evenings in the relative warmth which I appreciated in the winter months.

There were other people doing the same thing and if we got lucky we would be given the burgers that hadn't sold at the end of the night. Simple kindness that made such a difference.

I too am afraid of ending up without a home again which is why I skimp on everything I possibly can to make sure that it never happens again and is why I will work as long as I possibly physically can do so.

I am in a part time relationship. We have time together and time apart in one home or the other. I wouldn't have believed that such a system could work so well but it does in so many ways.

Only you can make the decision about moving in or not but perhaps a part time set up could work for you too. 🎶💕💜💕🎶

[Queenie]

@Kurra I'm sorry you had to experience homelessness too. It's not something I'd wish upon anyone really.

I know I'll eventually have to move in with my gf as we are having our commitment ceremony next year. It just scares me they'll be a breakdown in the relationship and I'll have nowhere to go but the streets all over again.

Irrational fear I know, but that is what a phobia is right?

[Former-Member]

You certainly are a survivor @Kurra. Your posts are helping me remain strong at the moment x

@Queenie - It sounds like you are unhappy where you are living now, and it also sounds like you have a good relationship with your gf. So taking that step to find a better life is probably the best step forward. But seeing what you have been through and given the possibility that some relationships break up - I don't think your fear is irrational. Once bitten twice shy.

I think it's good to have a back up plan just in case of the slight possibility something goes wrong. That always helps me feel secure (love back up plans). And then we can take that step without fear.

But if a backup plan isn't possible and it's something I really want I would still take the risk hoping providence will take care of me. And it always has. Hope this has helped x

[Queenie]

@Former-Member thank you. Your advice is helpful. 

I value both your opinion and @Kurras. 

[Kurra]

I'm pleased that I'm able to help you @Former-Member. There's several people who have asked me to write my memoirs including health professionals. If I were to read memoirs as mine would be, I'm not sure if I would believe that all of it could be true. If I wonder if I would believe it then how could I expect readers to do so. So it will remain unwritten.

You too are a survivor OTE but we all have times when it's easier when others who do understand, hold your hand.
Take care 🎶💕🎶

[Former-Member]

I am glad I can be of some help @Queenie x

That is so true @Kurra - and this is that time. Please do reconsider writing those memoirs - you would get through to more people than you know and give them hope.✨

[Kurra]

Ill have to wait until I retire @OverThe Edge and that won't happen until I'm at least 75! ❤