Lived Experience Forum

[Kurra]

@utopia
That sense of not wanting to let people down is a double bond because it always seems to involve the slog to have our home but the end result rewards us in many ways.
1. The house is clean even if it killed us in the process. We can enjoy the cleaniness for several days and we did it ourselves.
2. The enjoyment we can derive from the companionship is worth it. It lifts our spirits even if we had hard work to meet the deadline. The exhaustion ends up being worth it in many ways.
3. Everyone has thhe odd blah day. They're quieter than usual or grumblebums. We too can be like this but it doesn't mean we're going down the gurgler. It is what it is.
Maybe it is that we don't want to let folk down but such activities also put the neede bomb underneath us.
What matters is that you did it and had a enjoyable evening.
I'm glad you did. Hugzzz 💕🎶

[esprit]

What really changes if you tell people anyway.

[Sahara]

Hi @mrkotter, @Kurra, @utopia, @Appleblossom.

and a big "Happy Birthday" to @utopia. 

This is a great thread.... I feel I could write so much here. Most of my life I have felt that I have had to cover up almost everything about myself. It's exhausting. I've got a bit of a social phobia anyway, but I was also brought up with parents who discouraged me from talking about anything 'private' outside of the family home. 

Certainly, at work, I never, ever felt I could be my true self. I had to be "respectable", "conservative", "middle-class", absolutely drug-free, educated, obedient and selfless. I am none of those things... except for 'educated'. I am that. 

I never questioned my complete need to conform. I always felt I would be eaten alive by the powers that be, if I ever deviated from what was expected of me. I would have faced bullying, discrimination and worse. I would not have lasted long at any of my jobs and I certainly would not have been offered management opportunities!

All this was before I was even diagnosed with MI! So with having MI, I had to double my efforts and cover up that, as well.  Phew!

I have since left my former profession and worked in a number of different customer service jobs where you might think there would be less need to maintain a certain polished, professional persona. Wrong! I found there was just as much bullying and b-tchiness in these jobs as well. In fact there was probably even more bullying, because the people there were less educated and in many cases were not even aware of work-place laws, etc.

[Sahara]

I do unfortunately see Australia as an extremely backwards country where there is very little acceptance for anyone who does not fit the stereotype of what we think we should be ;- ie, straight, white, affluent, able-bodied, young and completely sane. 

Of course we play lip-service to being 'inclusive' and 'tolerant'. These terms are over-used to the point of being meaningless now.

We are an extremely divided, socially ignorant and discriminatory society.   

[suzanne]

Great thread @mrkotter.  When we get a link to last nights webinar on stigma I'll post it here.  It's really relevent because it's three people with a mental illness talking about their experiences with disclosure in the workplace and stigma across their lives.  Some are 'out and proud' but others are much more cautious based on their past experiences. 

And happy birthday @utopia

[mrkotter]

@suzanne I'm sorry I missed it last night. I was keen for it but work function. 

It's a relief that I'm not alone in doing this but I'm so angry that so many of us have to do this. If the performance is there why is this a problem? 

Do you have any ways to think about this @suzanne? My thinking at the moment is a cross between anger and utter disappointment, which isn't exactly helpful. 

It's 2016 and we've made so much progress in diversity but for serious mental illness it seems we aren't going anywhere.

Oh and happy birthday @utopia!! Whoop Whoop! Have a great day.

[utopia]

@Kurra you wise thing.
I woke up this morning and the house looks great - all clean - no clutter.
And I did enjoy the company last night.
And I kept praising my son for helping me throughout the day.
So all in all - you were right. In the end it was worth it

[Kurra]

I'm always right @utopia 😜

[suzanne]

I'm moderating tonight @mrkotter so I'll have more time for a considered response then.  Anything you get now wouldn't do the issue justice. 

Hope you have a good day.

[Sahara]

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@mrkotter wrote:

It's a relief that I'm not alone in doing this but I'm so angry that so many of us have to do this. If the performance is there why is this a problem? 

Hi @mrkotter,

I found that keeping a job took a lot more than just performing your duties well. I suppose this would vary a lot from company to company and between different professions, too. 

I found that there was a massive implied expectation that you would make yourself very agreeable and likable to management and to your work colleagues. In the process of doing so, you would be expected to present with a happy personality, be very considerate and helpful, smile, laugh at people's (sexist, racist, distasteful) jokes, etc, etc.

If you were having a bad day, problems at home or suffering from depression, if was always implied that you should not let this interfere with your happy, competent, agreeable work persona. Sure, I met heaps of people who dared to show their weaknesses at work; but these people were not generally liked well nor were they promoted.