Lived Experience Forum

[Sparkle]

Hiya everyone 

I'm writing this as I'm not sure what is happening... It's been a very turbulent year for me.

I had my second baby and the birth was horrific, which resulted in an emergency section. She's now 1 year old.

After this I had the coil inserted as didn't want to get pregnant again..

I found myself lashing out to ppl then feeling guilty. Then read the coil messes with your hormores so.put it Down to this in the hope it would settle down.

I then moved to Australia from the UK, leaving my mam who was my main support and go to person for help. 

I'm now here , my sister is here and we spend a lot of time together.  

I'm not the same person though, I know I am not.  My eldest is 2 and he doesnt sit well in restaurants, I am dealing with my baby girl and he pretty much runs circles around me . I tell him to stop but he doesn't , I try my best to get him to listen or sit still  but it keeps happening.  I then get , all I can describe it as is a ball of fire in my throat, a throbbing head to the point I hold it.. I feel sick and dizzy. We don't do restaurants anymore.

I find myself panicking over the littlest of things, if I don't see him immediately in the park when playing I'm running around pretty much turning the park upside down looking for him. My heart races and I'm noticeably shaken (ppl comment stop stressing). 

Another thing I do which is new to me is I fabricate arguments.  I think someone is going to say something to me about something and I will reply out loud (at home ) by myself, justifying my actions, I can have a full debate with myself about why I do things... Most of the time no one even says anything to me anyway.  

I don't sleep good... Not sure why some days I'm exhausted ca. Sleep from 7pm other days I am awake all night. 

Most recently, my sister organised a family meal on father's day... She had her husband's family and my dad.  We weren't invited, I convinced myself my whole family don't like my son and didn't want him there spoiling it.  So I had an argument with her. She said she wasn't thinking and invited my dad last minute as it was more a meal for her husband than my dad. That I was being silly and over thinking things ... 

I used to really envy my husband being able to go to work and have a break from us.  I have gained a fear of being trapped.  I feel as though I've lost myself , I'm a more uptight, fatter , unhappier version of me ... But have 2 beautiful children who I adore ... 

I really don't know what's going on, I am scared to say this to a therapist or anyone. Its just at a point now where I can't hide from it anymore... I force myself out the house for my children's sake, I never really want to. I don't look forward to things like I used to. 

Sorry for the long post hope to hear from someone soon with advice 

[Findingmyway]

my goodness ,things sound like they are hard for you right now.
We have an image of how the birth f our children will go, and how our children will be as they get older.

Are you a part of a mothers group? if not ask you Maternal child and health nurse for some groups in your area.

I moved to a new area myself and joined a playgroup. That was 11 years ago and I have 2 very spcial friends from that group.

Our minds can also do aweful things to us. I have no advice, just understanding of how awefukl that is.
Talk again soon sparkle.
M

[Redant]

Hi Sparke, 

i am just another new contributor not an expert so I can't tell you what is wrong with you but I can empathise with you and encourage you to talk to your GP to start and get some help, I finally saw a psychologist and it is such a relief to be able to say whatever you want without fear or favour ,no judgement.

call a help line, there is nothing you can say that they haven't already heard and they can help you, I have hope for you ! 

[Ffm48]

Hi @Sparkle

you are having a tough time. I totally agree with @Redant; a GP can refer you to an appropriate psychologist. I am saying "appropriate", because psychologists also specialise in various fields; I was accompanied by a trauma specialist as well as a specialist in cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT). Between the three of us I learnt strategies to alleviate my PTSD and manage my depression and anxiety.

The symptoms you describe are very frightening when you don't know what's going on. You can learn to manage your symptoms and gain back and enjoy your life. Redant has said what a relief it is to have that chat with a good psychologist, I can only second that. Your GP is the first go to person; he will include you in the Mental Health Programme.

You can post and seek support on this forum - we are here for you. Please let us know how you get on.

[Sparkle]

Thank you all for your replies I really appreciate you taking the time to help me.

I have joined a playgroup I do bootcamp 2/3 nights a week with the mams from the playgroup. So its like I'm starting to make new friends. They are brilliant and really friendly.

I'll defo go to my gp tomorrow and get the ball rolling with what's next.

I'm hoping I can just feel normal again .

I'm pleased there's something I can do about it so I can become the mammy / wife / sister / daughte aunty I want to be

[Findingmyway]

Give yourself time and be kind too. M

[Ffm48]

Hi @Sparkle

so glad to hear you're seeing your GP tomorrow. Hang in there; sometimes we need to take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

Do keep in touch and let us know how you're getting on.

[Sparkle]

Hiya just an update

Just as I went upstairs to get my baby to go to the GP my son decided to swallow a small metal key. Typical hey ... So I pretty much gave up my appointment so he could be seen. Spent the rest of the day getting xrays, back to doctors, then referred to hospital... To be told will.come out naturally ...

I did score high on the quick depression test and doctor gave me a referral for a psychologist. I've rang them and its $180 for initial consultation ... Does anyone have any recommendations of somewhere in Brisbane that does it cheaper. I really can't afford.that kind of money right.now as not working

[NikNik]

Hi @Sparkle

Oh my goodness - what a day!
Unfortunately, in the Forums we are unable to recommend specific professionals. However, I was surprised to read that you're expected to pay $180.
You are entitled to 10 free sessions with a psychologist through medicare. I'm not sure if all psychologists do this - but it's worth talking to your GP about it.

Good on you for keeping on - even after such an exhausting day. Glad to read your son is okay too 🙂

[esprit]

You should be able to get a mental health plan which your entitled to 6 sessions ( I think) . It brings it down a lot. Also sme psychologist will lower the fees if they know your struggling.