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Something’s not right

Harpo
New Contributor

My friend is considering suicide.

She says she is depressive since her childhood. No goals in life, no hope, a few interests which don't mean much when things get real tough. I'm her only and close friend and it seems like I've prevented a few suicides already. It doesn't make me any happy though if she keeps struggling like that. I would even say that maybe she is better off dead if things are the same. She looks like a happy person when we are together and says that things would be much better if we lived somewhere near(We can't see each other often as we live in different countries), though she doesn't believe it would change her attitude towards life and herself. We have talked about things recently and I've convinced her she needs a treatment. She has been under treatment some years before already, as she says swallowing antidepressants made her feel nothing, which was even worse.

Is there a cure? Is there a way I can truly help her, and not just keep preventing her from killing herself? I'm worried about her much and don't want to lose her, but not sure if ready to give everything as there are other priorities.

I would be grateful to everyone who is willing to help me with their own experience.

 

P.S. She has low self esteem, self-harm, feels depression and helplessness, has difficulties falling asleep, mental problems. And as I've said before, no hope on future. She also hates her female body and says she must have been born as a male. Despite of liking female bodies more than males in general. The last one is curious to me as I don't understand it, and she can't explain either. Are here people like this? And is there an explanation why it happens and how.

4 REPLIES 4

Re: My friend is considering suicide.

Hi @Harpo

Your friend is lucky to have someone care about her like you do. The main thing that will help is to encourage your friend that "there is hope". Hopelessness is "the depression talking" and is not true. She needs "hope" to regain her zest for life.

 

This hopelessness is based on our negative thoughts. Suggesting to her to seek counselling undertaking cognitive therapy - which addresses our thinking to change it into more positive thoughts may help her if she really tries with it.  Especially seeing anti-depressants don't work. This may help her to see a better future and make goals. 

 

Encouraging her to make goals finding a purpose that means to her and encourage her to pursue it. And to make goals towards it in small steps. This will help her get some zest back in living. Also to find a few hobbies she enjoys. But above all letting her know that her "life does matter", that she matters to you and with the right outlook and help mentioned above, "that things can get better in time" but we have to at least try.

 

One way of not falling into depression is to "not have the time to overthink things" and build up negative thoughts in our minds. The more active of mind a d body she is - the less her depression will have a hold and will ease. Encourage her to keep active in the day will help her if she does it.

 

Don't overinvest yourself but help and encourage her where and when you can. Don't feel guilty if it does not work cause ultimately all we can do is our best to encourage and care - and then it is up to the sufferer to help themselves. Hope it all works out..

 

 

 

Re: My friend is considering suicide.

 Thank you very much for your answer, @Former-Member!

 

 I always try to give her hope. When she feels depressed I try to talk about things she likes and build some plans on future. I feel like it helps her, but it's not enough. And all the hopes aren't big enough, as she doesn't believes in something "too good" happening to her.

 

 I've been also trying to help her make goals to learn something or take up a hobby. As she likes drawing and I draw myself, I happen to encourage her to set up goals to learn and start doing something. It looked as if she was happy those days, but some time after she started she became frustrated(because learning is hard) and I couldn't encourage her to go on.

 

 I think cognitive therapy is a good idea and I will discuss it with her. However she is not willing to do anything by herself, I need to be with her.

 

 The distance between us feels like a big problem as we live in different countries. When we are together in life I have much more impact on her, but when we talk in chats or calls and she feels bad... It's like I can talk, or rather hear her talking, but my words are nearly useless. And I guess being near with her could help me to encourage her, and do things together, even draw(She has admitted that). I would like to live with her, but if I do this I will have problems with government of my country, so I'm not sure if I'm ready on this step.

 

 I will do my best encourage her, and I will try to take better care of myself. I hope in future things will get better, and hopefully we will be together. Thank you ❤️

Re: My friend is considering suicide.

Hi @Harpo

 

Welcome to the SANE Forums! Smiley Happy There are so many wonderful and supportive people here on the Forums who can personally relate to having a loved one experience strong suicide ideation and a persistent state of hopelessness. Supporting a loved one can be especially hard when you are both living in different countries. As @Former-Member said, where you can, trying to inspire your friend that there is hope, whilst encouraging her towards hobbies or therapy such as CBT, can be very helpful. You truly sounds like such an amazing and caring friend!

 

I'm sorry that you have not received many replies on this post. Here's hoping that you will get more replies soon. In the meantime, you may want to get to know other carers in the "Hot Chocolate Anyone" thread.

 

Take care of yourself and please reach out in the Forums, if you need!

 

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

Re: My friend is considering suicide.

Hello @Harpo

We haven't heard from you in a while. How are things going with you and your friend? I hope you're doing okay Smiley Happy

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