Lived Experience Forum

[Haani]

Hello to anyone who is listening. After a lifetime of struggling with the basics by whihc l mean the ability to form and keep close relationships friends etc, l have finally been diagnosed with BPD it explains everything but it feels like a death sentence. I wonder if anyone can tell me how they have managed to cope with knowing and experiencing this condition. It seems so cruel to be able to see so clearly what is wrong with me, to know it wasn't my fault and yet to not know what to do about it apart from therapy and how to cope with the excruciating realisation that l have missed out on a life of love and human closeness and can't see that changing into the future. Missing out on what others seem to take for granted. 

[Maggie]

@Haani  Welcome to the forums.

There are a lot of others here who know exactly what you are facing.

@BPDSurvivor @outlander  Just tagging a few others into the conversation who will be very helpful.

Many of us know how hard the missing out of what others take for granted is. You are among many who understand. You are not alone.

We have lighter threads you might like to join. A way of getting to know others here. Re: Good Morning!  also Craft Corner  if you like crafts. Plus others.

Its good to have you here.

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, too, @Haani . It sounds like you are struggling with your diagnosis. I think its good that you now know, as it will help with therapy... But I hear how dismayed you are about it.

You might be interested in this  thread, not because of the "stopping medication" bit, but because @PlantLover has been successfully living well with BPD for 8 years. 

---

@Haani wrote:

...the excruciating realisation that l have missed out on a life of love and human closeness and can't see that changing into the future. Missing out on what others seem to take for granted. 

---

I am sorry for the great loss you are feeling. You are among listening ears here, who understand what you are going through.

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a member's name in the drop-down box, they will get a notification that you've replied to them.

[PlantLover]

Hello @Haani. 

It can be both a relief and also quite upsetting getting a diagnoses of BPD.
A relief because finally, you aren't alone. It makes so much sense. There's others out there to support you.

But also upsetting because BPD is quite misunderstood. 
What helped me to keep my BPD and PTSD under control (almost non existent) was..

- Finding the right medications

- Moving away from my family, away from my trauma and starting fresh in a new area and with new people that don't know me and what I've been through.

- Working with children, they keep me going. I look at them and It's like looking in a mirror. They also struggle emotionally. Have huge melt downs over tiny things. I think I've learnt more from the children I work with then they have even learnt from me.

- Finding my partner who is very supportive, kind, patient, calm and willing to work with me. He knows yelling at me scares me, so he has worked on stopping that. He knows to ask before touching me when I'm stressed or upset. 
- My dog is my baby. She is spoilt. I love her so much. When I'm down she always knows, and tries to kiss me to make me feel better.

- Doing research/reading up on/practicing... mindfulness, breathing exercises, yoga, reading books on kindness/self love/gratefulness/BPD/PTSD etc.

- Finding interests. Mine are children, gardening and Netflix.

The two major things that helped me though was medication and moving away from my home town. I'm now 16 hours away from my home and cut out the abusers in my life. 
I hope some of this helps you.

[NatureLover]

Wow, thank you, @PlantLover - that all sounds great 🙂

[PlantLover]

@Haani, it may not seem like it now but life CAN get better. When I was first diagnosed, if anyone told me that I wouldn't believe them.

Becuase when your suffering through the worst of it, it feels like it will never get better. But if you work on it. Work on goals, come up with a plan, put the time in you can get there. 
I never thought I'd be able to run my own business, here I am.

I thought I had a life destined for therapy. I've been therapy free for 6 years.

I thought I would never be able to make friends and have a partner long term, but now I am.

I haven't self harmed in years. I never thought this would be possible.

Im not sure if it would help you or not, but I love helping others also struggling. This makes me feel better about myself. Helping others, being kind. I feel like a better person. I'm starting to even like myself. I'm running a pantry for those in financial need in my suburb. You could volunteer for a soup kitchen. Just doing small things like leaving a note on a strangers car saying "have a lovely day". Even the small things count too.

[BPDSurvivor]

Wow @PlantLover ! Thank you so much for sharing!

Welcome @Haani .

I was diagnosed with BPD nearly 16 years ago. I struggled immensely with being unstable, desperate, empty and void. I had no identity. I didn't know who I was. I was up one moment, down the next. I couldn't understand myself, let alone anybody else I understand me. 

Just like @PlantLover , medications and children helped me get back on track. Please understand medication does not cure BPD, but it alleviates the symptoms that may come with it including depression and insomnia. After being stable in terms of my depression and insomnia, only then could I focus my attention on recovery.

Believe it or not, BPD has been the most awesome experience for me! I have learnt so much from my BPD journey and it has made me the person I am today. I can empathise and understand myself and other people so much better having gone through treatment. I completed 18 months of intense mentalisation-based therapy (MBT), twice a week for about four hours in total. I have changed so much and come such a long way. This IS possible. BPD is not a life sentence. There are some really good BPD therapists out there who thrive on working with people who have a BPD diagnosis.

I am so grateful for all the support I have received during my BPD journey - although I have endured things which I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, the awesomeness of the whole BPD experience makes up for it and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I have learnt to love life, live life, and advocate for BPD. The experience has been sensational. I am not saying that the BPD journey is easy, but it is definitely worth while. It is one diagnosis where the 'sufferer' is fully in control of changing their mindset. If you are not happy with your current journey, BPD is about enabling change to 'change your story'.

@Haani , please don't see it as a life sentence. Rather, consider it as a way of moving forward from a BPD starting point. We can't change the hand of cards we are dealt, but we can certainly make a strategic moves. The BPD label allows you to seek targeted therapy your strategic moves. Yes you can't regain the lost years, but moving forward, make the most of every day ahead. Otherwise in a year's time, you could still be saying the same thing. I hope I don't offend you in saying that.

 I see BPD as a celebration of how far one can come despite weaknesses. As I said, it is the most amazing journey one can have. 

I am with you on this journey. You are not alone.

BPDSurvivor

[Maggie]

@BPDSurvivor @PlantLover  So much admiration for you both. How incredible are you. It’s so encouraging hearing  how people work through obstacles.  Good on you. 👍👍

[BPDSurvivor]

Thank you so much @Maggie .

Having BPD is not pleasant, and can be very destabilising. I never thought I would actually be able to say I love life, but I really do. I love the challenges life offers and see it as a way whereby I can grow and develop as a person.

Because the community has supported me so much, I feel it's only right I give back to the community. The stigma of the BPD needs to have a different light shone on it:

- you CAN recover from BPD

- you CAN love life

- you  CAN develop wonderful relationships

- things CAN change

I can vouch for all of this. If I didn't go through what I have, I would not be able to help the children and people I help today. This is what brings me satisfaction and a need to press on.

@Haani , I do not have super powers. I am an ordinary person. If things have changed for me, they can for you. Just hold on.

Please continue to reach out for support and don't give up.

BPDSurvivor

[BlueBay]

Hi @PlantLover @Haani @BPDSurvivor 

How do you recover from BPD?? I was diagnosed 10 years ago (in my 40's) and i am still struggling with it.  I probably do have more insight into how i behave and think at times. but i still struggle.

As for therapy free @PlantLover  how did you get to that point? Were you scared of abandonment, fear of losing your supoort people? Good on you for achieving everything you have said, that's really encouraging to read.

I guess we are all on our own journey.