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Dom4
Casual Contributor

I struggle in all social situation

Hey so I don’t really know what to say but I’ve always been depressed and low on life for as long as I've known, was always the shy kid and it's no different at 25. The biggest issue at the forefront of my mind is that I don’t know how to be sociable, I don’t know how to engage with people and I don’t like talking to people and it’s been like that for all my life. And it makes me upset because it’s something I’d really want but mentally there’s something holding me back.

It’s prevented me from taking my life further like getting further education, a new job, making friends and talking to people in general like family.

 

I don’t have an interest in what people have to say and I find it very hard to focus and engage because I find it hard to understand people when I want to. Whenever it’s my turn to speak I say something stupid because I don’t know what to say and I humiliate myself or I’m just not as intellectual.

 

I’m a strong believer I have an underlying condition like Aspergers or ADD. and at a young age I was given private Tudor lessons but wasn’t explained why. I’m not the sort of person to questions things but just accept them.

 

The problem is this mental barrier prevents me from seeing anyone, talking to anyone to see what’s wrong or what help I need. I always always try to do things myself. I struggle to physically get myself to see someone for help because before I try to, the stress of seeing someone is too overwhelming and I tell myself my problem isn’t that bad anyway when it probably is, so it’s never happened. I wouldn’t know how to explain what’s wrong with me because not even I understand it and my mind goes blank when I’m confronted with someone or my words don’t come out right.

 

I’m not at all suicidal, I always want to best for myself but I’m so limited by this issue. I’m stuck at a simple job that I’ve been doing for about 10 years. I want to do something better and I want to be earning more money. I want to be able to interact with people like everyone else and not feel awkward or disconnected all the time. I just feel very stunted when another part of my brain wants me to be doing so much more which causes a great deal of stress I feel everyday and I couldn’t tell you what that something more is.

I have no motivation, no aspiration, no interests, no emotions, people think I’m boring because of this, and I stay in my room all the time. And I hate it and I’m stressed because I’m like this. I want to have energy, passion and reason. I have so much anxiety socially, I feel very sensitive in any social situation and I feel like the only way to get through the day is to isolate myself from people as much as I can but I do try to apply myself to get out of this habit which isn’t improving it but exhausting me.

 

At any point I have to make contact with someone like a business or service it’s always email. I can’t use the phone, instant messaging gives me anxiety so I’ll take my time to respond, I struggle to see someone in person. I feel very hopeless because I can’t do these things and move on the way I want to.

17 REPLIES 17

Re: I struggle in all social situation

Did you have any interests in anything when you were younger? Like depression might be overriding that...

 

Also, when depressed; I find it really hard to interact with people too... (I was always an introvert but was okay about being in a group and listen to others speak rather than initiate) but when I'm depressed I feel kind of worthless... or can't smile etc... and don't really want to be with people...

Re: I struggle in all social situation

@Abcd  I always have spikes of interests then they die out pretty quick and I never get my self to a level of being really good as something cause I want to do something else. And it's at a point for me I don't know what sort of hobby I should be doing or where I should be heading because I'm scared to persue something and then I'll just think I don't like this anymore and I've wasted my time. Younger I used to love making videos or animations, playing piano or some sort of instrument. Teens years I loved doing photography, photoshop, repairing phones and a few years ago I was brewing my own beer and making kefir. But anything like that hasn't been with me for the last few years and nothing in particular has triggered it. It's just this build up of something underlying that's hindered me from progressing as a person to actually doing something with myself and I just feel like at my age I need to be doing something different than working in food. And I've just been getting more and more depressed and I feel like there's nothing to look forward to and there's no progression with me. 

Re: I struggle in all social situation

You could be getting depressed (the getting depressed is unrelated to the hobby) when doing the hobby and then when you're less depressed you don't go back to it because of remembering being depressed when doing the hobby... hence, the spike of interests...

 

Also, right now, I'm feeling depressed due to COVID-19 and I'm finding it hard working up the initiative to do anything re starting anything so your below sentence resonates with me


@Dom4 wrote:

And it's at a point for me I don't know what sort of hobby I should be doing or where I should be heading because I'm scared to persue something and then I'll just think I don't like this anymore and I've wasted my time. 


Re: I struggle in all social situation

@Dom4  Hi Dom4 and welcome to the forums :). Have you seeked help with a psychologist? you can get free sessions ( I believe 10 and more if necessary) through your gp.  Socialising is a difficult thing. You will find many of us are in the same boat for a multitude of reasons so you are not alone. Have a look around the different threads many of which are social and when you are ready you might like to post on them or keep posting on your own. Again welcome. greenpeax

Re: I struggle in all social situation

Hi,
People can be draining and difficult to deal with at times and I believe you may have had social circles that were too demanding somewhere back in childhood. Then again it could also be that you were born with an introverted nature. And if both the cases are true, than that would totally justify why you'd want to stay isolated. But hi there is nothing wrong with not being too social. It's nice to have your privacy and space. If you feel pressured to be more social because of those around you, then you need to stop caring about what they expect from you. And if you want to be more social because you wish to have a circle of your own friends then it's never too late to make your own circle. Start with finding one good person who makes you comfortable and doesn't make you feel too selfconscious. Also I just wanna tell you that no one... NO ONE at all is fully comfortable in mingling socially. I happen to be an extremely social person. People literally go like "omg you're such an extrovert" or "how are you so social?" But the truth is that many a times I'd rather be lying in my bed watching YouTube videos than going out to meet all them people. So even being social can get draining and difficult. The thing you need to keep in mind is inner satisfaction and a sense of peace with who you are. If you manage to achieve that self acceptance, than you won't care to be accepted or not by anyone.
Hope I may have said atleast something that you'll find helpful in this speech of mine.
Cheers!

Re: I struggle in all social situation

Hi and welcome, @Dom4 , it's good to have you here.

 

I was wondering (along with @greenpea ) how you felt about getting a mental health care plan from your GP, which would give you up to 10 free or subsidised sessions with a psychologist... I know you said talking is difficult, but how would you feel about printing out what you wrote here for them to read? You're very articulate when writing. I always print out stuff for my psychologist to read. Talking to a psychologist about your problems can really help. 

 

 

 


@Dom4 wrote:

At any point I have to make contact with someone like a business or service it’s always email. I can’t use the phone, instant messaging gives me anxiety so I’ll take my time to respond, I struggle to see someone in person. I feel very hopeless because I can’t do these things and move on the way I want to.


I realise that this may be a problem in making the initial contact with your GP and the psychologist's office...but we are here to support you through it, if you decide to go ahead with getting some professional support. Also, there will likely be a time gap (maybe months) between getting the referral and getting in to see a psychologist, so you can take one step at a time and recover between steps - seeing your GP, making the appointment with the psychologist's office, and then waiting to see the psychologist. And you can continue to receive peer support here on the forums in between. What do you reckon?

 

I'm also wondering whether you are on any medication for your depression? 

 

It's good that you've been able to express yourself so clearly here - feel free to continue writing how you feel and seeking peer support here. 🙂

Re: I struggle in all social situation

Just want to pop in here and welcome @Abeer ...I see you've made yourself right at home, that's great! Feel free to introduce yourself on the Introduce yourself here thread with 3 random facts about yourself...or start your own thread for support. To tag someone, type @ and click on their name in the drop-down box. I hope you enjoy exploring the forums!

Re: I struggle in all social situation

@Abeer Thanks for posting. The friends I have are very accepting and great people who wouldn’t put pressure on me. I think I spend too much time to myself that I feel quite lonely and forget how to be sociable. But when I’m in company it’s also exhausting and not something I’m used to. I’m not sure if I need to find a balance or look at something else. I have these friends I stay over for the weekend and by the end of the week I’m just so glad to be back home. They’re very easy going people, but I just feel like I’m not contributing enough with them. I’m always the quiet person in any social setting and I lack any sort of expression. But I don’t know if that’s what they think think about me or they see me a different way because they do like me.
I think your right about finding that one person who makes you feel comfortable and go from there. I just don’t feel like I have this real connection with the people I’m with or there’s a missing link between us of understanding each other where it’s important to me. I know what it feels like to have that connection with friends because I’ve had it, but I haven’t had it in a long time so I just feel alone even though there are some people who appreciate me. Cheers

Re: I struggle in all social situation

Hi again, @Dom4 ...I forgot to let you know that to tag someone in your post, type @ and then click on their name in the drop-down box. That way they'll get a notification that you've replied to them; otherwise they won't know you're talking to them. 

 

Cheers!

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