Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

Hi Hon - so nice to see your name pop up just now - can't wait until you are home and I can catch up with you properly @Faith-and-Hope 

[CheerBear]

Morning @Zoe7. Really feeling with you with the tricky you're working through with friend at the moment.

You've been doing so well navigating the wonky of having a new friendship like this one the whole time and it sounds very much like you're continuing to do so. This sounds like maybe a boundary kind of issue in that something doesn't feel OK to you and you'd like that to be understood. I don't know about you but I find it hard sometimes to communicate boundaries clearly. I struggle with either giving in or going too hard with it (and turning into that lava ball). I think that's another issue that can be related to past experiences where boundaries were not respected. Keeping to your values and setting boundaries seems a really valuable and important thing to do and the start of a new relationship is a great time to do that as it can set a tone that feels right for you. I really hope the conversation goes well and will look forward to hearing about it, cheering you on and believing in you from here while you go about it all.

Also really hoping you hear about work soon. That uncertainty would be difficult to sit with this close to the year starting.

Big love and 🤞 for a better day for you today ❤

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope @CheerBear @Former-Member and all following along...

Had a message from friend when I came home that he was going to visit this morning - I was at DBT and so didn't get the message. Have chatted to him since and he is home getting more of the house painting done now. We will organise another time later in the week. I still do need to talk to him about a couple of things but they can wait. I have thought about those things a lot over the last few days and reached a conclusion that I enjoy his company and our discussions and I would not like that to end so although there are some things I need to get clear with him I can also only take him with how he treats me and the real friendship we are developing. 

There are some things in terms of my values that I won't compromise on but some things are not black and white either. I agree CB that when boundaries have been crossed previously then it is hard to trust someone but friend has been very open with his history and I give him credit for feeling he can trust me enough to disclose some things. I certainly have kept things about myself close to me and although he has an idea that I have been very hurt he does not know any details - that is not something I am willing to share. It does make some things tricky but tricky I can deal with to protect myself. I don't know where this will all lead but for now I want to enjoy his company and spend time with him and whilst that is enjoyable I will continue to do so. Some of the tricky will still be there but there is always some tricky in any relationship. Time I think will tell more if I can get over some of the tricky!

[Former-Member]

Hi dear @Zoe7 

(With a wave to our beautiful @Faith-and-Hope - soon you'll be back home 🏡)  Hi also @CheerBear @Shaz51 @Former-Member

Zoe, I realise you are not sleeping so well since the change in night meds.  Its unfortunate you dont see your pdoc until next week, to discuss further.  Does school start next week for you in Tassie?  Hope you can resolve the sleep issue prior to then. Perhaps it will just take a little time for the body to adjust, and all will be fine by then.  Hope thats the case.

With regards to this friend of yours.  Some of the things you have mentioned are a little cryptic, so I can only guess as what these 'tricky' things could be.  But regardless of what they are .... fantastic to hear that you will not compromise your own high values.  It would be a recipe for disaster if you did.  I'm thinking that he may have done some things in the past that you do not approve of?  And given that he has told you about them, then its highly likely that he is aware that you would not approve. Its highly likely that he is not proud of his past 'indiscretions' either, so it was a leap of faith for him to tell you about whatever it was.  You have to give him credit for being up front with you.  Yes, its very true that trust issues are huge for the likes of us, whose trust in others have been badly shaken.  Its hard to trust again.  But this new friend of yours, would know that.  And he has trusted you with the information he has given you.  Trust needs to be a two way thing.  We all make mistakes, and mistakes can be forgiven.  We learn from our mistakes, and I suspect he has.

I hope some of this makes sense, and hopefully I'm not too far off the mark about these tricky things you are not comfortable in speaking of.  Which I must add ... is absolutely fine!  Some things are best left unsaid, its personal.  Yes all relationships are tricky in one way or another, nothing is ever straight forward.  The important thing is that you enjoy his company, which is the best basis for any friendship to develop.  I guess you will learn over time, whether he is worthy of your complete trust, or not.  Trust needs to be earned but, from what you have said, it sounds like he is doing a good job of trying to earn your trust.  

I hope you hear soon about your new school placement, and that its at a school you are happy with.  And hopefully not too far to travel.  Please give sweet Toby a big cuddle from me, and I hope you'll accept an encouraging hug from me to you.

Sherry 🤗💕🐶

[Zoe7]

Thank you @Former-Member and all hugs gratefully accepted here - by me and Toby 

You have pretty much just written everything I have been thinking - it is hard not to get past one of his past 'indiscretions' but knowing the circumstances and series of events that lead up to it I understand it a bit better. I am stuck between understanding and my own standpoint however but that is something I need to talk to him about. It may change our relationship and I guess I am hoping it doesn't but he needs to know where I stand. You are right that trust needs to be earned and he is doing a good job in that respect with being upfront and honest with me about things. I am very guarded still and pretty much feeling my way in whatever this is - been too long since I would even be alone in a room with a male let alone have a friendship with one - so it is all very big for me. He does like to talk a lot and I am not a big talker so it has worked out okay in that regard so far. I also think there is so much that I don't tell anyone - never really let people into my world - always been safer that way but I can see that for this relationship to go any further I am going to have to be more open than I usually am ...not with the really personal stuff but with where I sit with certain things. Some hard conversations may need to be had.

School doesn't start here until Monday week so there is a little time to get things sorted once I find out where I will be. I am hoping it is this week so I have next week to get organised. So much still up in the air until I find out - meet the Principal, get to know the school policies, see the classroom, etc. etc. The first term is definitely going to be one of sorting myself out with all that so will need some extra time put into work. My hope there though is that that does not send me backwards and I really need this sleep thing sorted before I go back. I will give it another couple of days and see how it goes then call my pdoc if I need to on Friday. It is the tiredness during the day that I am most concerned with and the lack of motivation along with the lack of energy.

[Shaz51]

hello @Zoe7, @Faith-and-Hope

how are you today

it is raining lots ups here

one cleaning job this morning for a 101 year old man

and then cleaned mum`s house

afternoon off ,

after the doctors

sugar has gone down from 7.6 to 6.5 , Liver is good , kidney is 21% ,other readings not too good 

seeing endocrinologist next month , doctor wants more regular checkups

On more new tablets today , , fingers crossed they work

mum has cancelled her specialist appt tomorrow

We are on cyclone watch again

Mr shaz has his scan on friday

[Zoe7]

Not good news that you mum has cancelled her specialist appointment tomorrow @Shaz51 

Stay safe my sister - hope the cyclone dies down and you don't cop it too much.

[Shaz51]

@Zoe7

I can understand where my mum is coming from as she is 87, weighing 38kgs and very  tired, weak and frail

and I think the specialist wants to do another surgery on her bowel but she could be in the same place she is in now

ringing them up tomorrow -- will be good if i can talk to the specailist

well only a 2 hours job tomorrow and the rest of the day off if raining

[Zoe7]

I can understand that with your mum @Shaz51 When my nan got sick she didn't want any further treatment as she was in constant pain and had had enough. She didn't want what life she had left to be treatment, tests and pain that could only be 'managed' so she refused any further treatment unless it was for pain. We all need control over how we live and what that looks like - as sad as it is sometimes we need also to have control over when we go also and how that happens. I feel for you so much in all this my sister 

[Bimby2]

Hi Zoe 7 and thank you for thinking of me. I hope you are well and not finding the summer heat too much to bear. Where I dwell we have been having a slight heat wave

thus the comment. Take care my friend and wish you all the best. Bimby2.