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Shoulder to Shoulder: Veteran Families

RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

Ru-bee
Peer Support Worker

RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

At the bottom of this post is a very special community webinar. 

 

Ruth Clare, author of Enemy and renowned lived experience speaker, explores the often-unseen impacts of military trauma on the families of veterans. 

Watch the recording below

 

This webinar is personal, raw and very inclusive. It is a must watch!

 

 

About Ruth Clare 

Ruth Clare is the award-winning author of Enemy, a memoir about growing up as the child of a Vietnam veteran. She is also a TEDx and keynote speaker, qualified scientist, coach, and copywriter. Her work combines compelling storytelling, research, and practical tools to support others facing trauma to create thriving lives. Her TEDx talk, The Pain of Hiding Your True Self, has reached over half a million viewers, and her next two books, Beyond Fight Flight Freeze Fawn and Turn Fear into Courage, will be published this year. 

 

15 REPLIES 15

Re: RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

hi @Ruth_Clare  🙂

As the son and grandson of veterans on both sides of my family and as a veteran myself

How much do you feel intergenerational PTSD and the genetic damage caused by PTSD is passed on to children?

So not just the parent is damaged but the children are also already damaged and facing an unstable parent and or family ?

Re: RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

Thanks for yoru question. @MamiyaFan 

 

@Ruth_Clare , are you able to provide some insight into the above question/s?

Re: RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

Asking for help
For decades I refused to ask for help
Finally I decided I needed actual real world help to resolve a problem caused by [edited by moderator] so over 4 years ago I asked for help

I have been asking for help for over 4 years now and the constant reply is "We don't / can't help people like you"

The rejection from people who promise help and then refuse help is depressing and upsetting.

Organizations that promise things like "We will find the right support / service to help you"

And then simply cannot or will not make any effort to provide help.

These are people paid and employed to help disabled people and very often disabled veterans but they get angry and upset with me because they set my PTSD off, then they get even more upset when I tell them they are the ones who are causing the problems and they are victim blaming

Re: RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

Thank you for sharing @MamiyaFan .

 

I hear your concerns and I'm sorry you have not been able to get the help you've been asking for, for the last 4 years. I hear how frustrating, upsetting and depressing this can be for you and your loved ones.

 

We recognise it takes a lot of strength to reach out and ask for help in the first place, so we definitely want to acknowledge the effort taken to reach out here.

 

We hope you will find peers whom you can share your journey with so that your journey feels less isolating.

 

Please take care,

tyme

 

Re: RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

Your situation sounds really frustrating and disheartening @MamiyaFan. It is so hard to finally reach out for help and feel like the help you need isn't there. I can't quite tell what the help you have sought is for. From what you wrote, it sounds you are wanting help with a practical DVA issue and that the lack of support you are receiving makes you angry, and then in response people "get angry and upset with me because they set my PTSD off"? Is that correct? I wonder if you have ever sought psychological support for your PTSD? 

Re: RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

Sounds like your family has taken on a heavy load in service to your country 🧡.


How much do you feel intergenerational PTSD and the genetic damage caused by PTSD is passed on to children? So not just the parent is damaged but the children are also already damaged and facing an unstable parent and or family?

 

These are interesting questions. There is some research, but not definitive answer as far as I can tell. It has been suggested that it is likely PTSD is transferred genetically rather than it being solely a learned or psychological response to severe life-endangering experiences. One study that looked at Australian Vietnam veteran children supported the idea of genetic intergenerational transmission of PTSD, hypothesising that if PTSD is heritable, then PTSD and PTSD-type symptoms might be multi-generationally transmitted. But these are hypotheses rather than definitive answers, as the mechanisms by which trauma and trauma symptoms are transmitted aren’t yet fully understood.  

 

One thing that is well documented is that families of veterans with PTSD generally have poorer family functioning than families of veterans without. PTSD leads to lower frustration threshold and lower self-control, which can lead to the use of verbal and physical violence as a means of solving problems.

A recent Australian study showed that 45% of transitioned veteran families experience family violence. We know that people who experience family violence have an increased risk of developing PTSD.

But the other, less explosive aspects of PTSD such as numbness, dissociation and avoidance can also have significant consequences on parent-child relationships, such as impaired attachment to children, less interest in children’s activities and the parent not talking or listening or being affectionate toward kids.

Back to the genetic transfer of PTSD question, though there isn’t really any significant research on this, I am interested in the prevalence of neurodivergence in military families and how this relates to generational trauma. Does your family have any neurodivergence? (I mean, PTSD and c-PTSD are actually considered neurodivergences, so, if you have PTSD, you already have a neurodivergence, but I am wondering if anyone in your family also has ADHD or autism?)

 

I have been diagnosed with ADHD and both my kids are neurodivergent. I know we are now diagnosing these conditions more than we did in the past, but I had no idea about them really until I had to go through the process of getting my son diagnosed. Before his diagnosis I looked at his symptoms and they looked like trauma to me. I kept thinking to myself “How have I traumatised him?”

 

Again, the research isn’t definitive, but there is evidence that people with ADHD and autism have differences in our fear circuitry that are similar to those seen in PTSD. We know anxiety plays a huge role in PTSD, ADHD and autism. Studies also show brain differences in the amygdala in all of these conditions (the part of the brain that scans for danger and reacts to threats) as well as the pre-frontal cortex (the area responsible for decision-making and higher level thinking, planning etc.). Our neurotransmitters are also impacted, meaning we often have higher levels of stress hormones such as cortisol, and because our threat detection system is more sensitive, tiny things can set us all off.

 

Neurodivergence might not be a thing in your family, but I think neurodivergence in military families, and the changes that happen in neurodivergent brains related to generational trauma is an area that definitely warrants further research. 

I hope that in some way answered your question!

Re: RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

I did reply to this and ask that an organization that is partners with the government department that is causing the problems for veterans deal with the issue and provide some assistance since they are now partners

That post has been removed 😞

Re: RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

thank you for talking about this. i am the daughter of a vietnam veteran who was conscripted & injured who then became addicted to opioids for a very long time & then & still is on methadone. my childhood was extremely sad frightening & confusing 

my mother told me i was diagnosed & treated with antidepressants for depression & anxiety at the age of 2 years old which i understand sounds quite unbelievable but i have no reason to not believe my mother & i was taking them for as long as i can remember. as a teenager i attempted suicide twice. i then went on to marry a man who decided to join the army & then went on to become an SAS soldier who did 9 back to back deployments to afghanistan & the effects of that on him & our 2 children is hard to put into words. he became a chronic alcoholic. his deployments were 6 months & on his return to australia he would have 3 months off. he became very physically & sexually abusive. he tortured my mind & my body in such extreme ways & quite often our children witnessed horrific abuse apon myself. i was told by police that they could not protect me as his training was far superior to theirs & the regiment told me it was too dangerous to leave him. after serving 15 years in the SAS he was medically discharged because i believe he became a liability & didn’t know how to handle our situation. my kids & i literally had to escape in the middle of the night but what it has done to myself & our children is something i know i will ever get over & my children will suffer their entire lives

my daughter had attempted suicide many times & her body is covered in scars because [of self-harm] [edited by moderator] since she was 7 years old & has severe anxiety & depression 

she is 18 years old now & lives a very isolating sad life. she doesn’t work or go to school or have many friends but desperately wants to be able to do normal things but can’t 

my son is addicted to drugs & can not form healthy relationship & it breaks my heart watching them suffer their entire lives because of the impact of their father. i am

broken my children are broken & we suffer daily. i have not been able to work due to my ptsd anxiety & depression so since i left my ex husband 10 years ago i have struggled financially & don’t have the means to provide even the necessities or pay my bills which just adds more stress & quality of life. it feels like a hopeless situation that will never ever get better & can not stop worrying about what will happen to my kids when i am

no longer here & how will the survive & cope. the impact my ex husband 15 years in the SAS has honestly destroyed our lives 

Re: RECORDING: The Hidden Impact of Military Service on Families of Veterans

Thank you for sharing @lala3 . It's so important to hear these experiences as it sheds light on the impact of military service. 

 

@Ruth_Clare @ElephantEar3 @0ddsidian @RiverSeal @MtLittleJoe  feel free to read the above.

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