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KSSTRAUS
New Contributor

Newly Married and Think Husband has Personality Disorder

Hello everyone,

 

I'm scared and I'm hoping I can get some advice here. I met a man that I thought was wonderful. He is a widower of seven years. I am divorced five years. Hindsight 20/20, I can see that we got married too quickly - exactly one year from the day of our first date. 

 

Since married there has been a very unpleasant pattern which has been escalating. It's so disturbing that I have been keeping notes. We've only been married five months. I had to call the police after the last argument because he became violent and would not let me leave. I was in my car and he held the door open demanding the keys to the house. I told him to let me get them, but got my phone instead. Once he saw that I had called he hightailed it back inside.

 

I left with my dog and was lucky to find a friend's house to stay. After five days I said I would meet him and we could talk. I asked him to bring a list of his expectations - what he wanted in a marriage and what he did not want.  I did the same. His list did not address the issues as mine did making me feel he thinks our dynamic is normal. It is not. He had things like "I want a  good cook, and I don't want someone that will leave spittle in the sink." I wanted things like personal growth, trust and suitable compromise. I didn't want things like jealousy, control and cruelty. 

 

Here's how it goes - First he will criticize me for the most mundane things - how I brush my teeth or leave water on the sink, real nit picking.  Most of the time I just let it go because if I say anything we will get into an argument - an arguement about nothing! Next he will accuse me of things I have not done, or have ever thought of doing. This ranges from taking something of his to having a man on the side. Because these things have no bearing in reality, I feel unjustly acused. I am sick of defending myself against something I did not do and so I get angry. Then he starts with threats - if I don't answer his texts right away he says he will never text me again. So far he has said he will never call me, text me, sleep with me, visit friends and family with me or vacation with me EVER again.  But he doesn't mean it. They are idle threats.

 

He has convinced me to come back home. He has been super nice to me, but I know it won't last. We have a cruise planned in ten days. During our last argument he told me he was canceling the cruise. I said that's fine (I really don't feel like going with him anymore). Next thing I know he is asking me if I found a dog sitter. He never intended to cancel and is really pressuring me to go. 

 

It seems there is rarely a moment's peace here. I'm asking if I should try to work it out, if you folks think it can be worked out, or if I should just throw in the towel because it is hopeless.

 

Thanks.

 

 

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Newly Married and Think Husband has Personality Disorder

I think he needs to see a psychiatrist
warm regards
Ishy

Re: Newly Married and Think Husband has Personality Disorder

Hello, I came across your post whilst exploring the forum for the first time. My heart goes out to you with your experience with your husband. Notwithstanding whether he has a mental health issue or not, the behaviour you describe fits a pattern of behaviour that could also fit a family and domestic violence scenario. Either way your safety is of the highest importance. The website 1800Respect is a great resource. Take Care. 

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