Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Los1]

Hi, I'm new to this forum. I just feel I need to talk to someone who understands what I'm going through. My daughter is 38 and has never been diagnosed with a mental disorder other than PND, anxiety and depression. When she had her first baby 17 years ago she suffered from PND and on several occasions tried to commit suicide. She has been with her partner for 20 years but recently left him because of domestic violence. Sometimes it could have been from her anger towards him, however there is no excuse for what he did to her, I was in constant fear he would do to her. After getting a restraining order and leaving, him the children decided they want to live with their father and have no contact with my daughter anymore. This has caused a decline in her mental health. She met another man and moved in with him way to quickly as she couldn't afford her rental anymore, as the children aren't living with her and she only works a few hours a week, as that's all she can deal with. She says she loves the new guy but she has driven him away by her unpredictable moods, screaming, throwing things and threatening him with a weapon. She is so convinced that he doesn't love her and will leave her, all alone, that now she has driven him away. He wants to break up with her but she is living in his rental ,with him, and he doesn't know what to do. We have been through 20 years of this and my husband and I are both on antidepressants and I'm in therapy trying to get through. I can't have her move in with us because I feel that will be the end for me. I can't handle her screaming and I'm a little bit scared of her too. She has turned to alcohol as well which really makes her unpredictable. She has also had issues with drug abuse in the past as well although she hasn't used anything for about a year. Do I let her move in with us or is there any other option? I can't bear the thought of living with her but I equally can't bear the thought of her living on the street. 

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Los1,

It sounds like you stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, you want to support your daughter, on the hand you need to care about you too, and need to look after yourself.  

It seems like you are very aware of the impact of your daughter's behaviour on you, and you can foresee what might happen if you allow her to move in with you. 

 You wrote in your post that you can't bear the thought of living with her, but you can't equally bear the thought of her living on the streets. Perhaps there are things you can do that finds a balance between the two, like help her find a place, allow her to live you with but set boundaries (e.g., length of time she can stay, on the conditions that she's looking for a place).

There's a few people on here that you might like to connect with. @imhermother has written about the struggles of caring for her adult daughter here. @JennyK also cares for her daughter, who she is trying to find a balance in how much support she gives to. She has written about here. @imhermother and @JennyK do you have any advice or words of support for @Los1?

[Los1]

Thanks @CherryBomb You knowing someone else can understand what I'm going through really helps.