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Annabelle
Contributor

A place of safety for expression

This is what Rick said in his response to Aaron (I think it was Aaron, my memory is not so good): [This forum is a] place of safety for expression ...'. To me this means a place to talk about things that you can't talk to anyone else about.

Tonight this is what I want to say, that I can't talk about to anyone I know. It makes me want to cry and shout and swear very badly. 

I had surgery on Monday and came out of hospital yesterday. I had my throat cut open - a parathyroid operation. The surgery was required because of something caused by one of the psych meds I take. A rare side effect apparenty. Anyway, all went ok, as far as surgery goes.

Yesterday is where the problem started: My mother insisted that I tell my siblings that I'd had surgery. I sent them all a brief email, simply stating I'd had parathyroid surgery. 

One of my brothers emailed me back and said 'I hope you are feeling better after your lobotomy.'

I have a good sense of humour most of the time, but I don't think this is remotely funny. In fact I think it just shows the level of stigma and discrimination, not out there, but within my own family. The worst form of stigma is not always in the big things, it is in the subtle things, the things that slip under the radar, the things from left field that hurt the most.

I am not looking for solutions and I don't want to talk to my family about it - I have 'informed' them many times about mental illness - I just want to get it out of my system. I just want someone else to say: 'It stinks'. Because, to me it does. It stinks. 

5 REPLIES 5

Re: A place of safety for expression

Hi can hear your hurt and frustrations of the message. I can only assume that his intentions were good and just trying to raise your spirits. There is a huge stigma around mi still. 😞 Hope you are continuing to recover from surgery ok, 

LJ

Re: A place of safety for expression

Dear @Annabelle 

If I haven't done so already - wishing you a very warm welcome to the forums. Smiley Happy

That sounds horrendous, both the surgery and then your brother's comment. I agree: not funny, not even remotely. I could say a lot of rude words here Cat Mad, but I won't (because I'll be in trouble with our lovely mods). Sometimes families (or family members) can be absolutely horrible. Sometimes they can be big contributors to our MI too. 

I hope you continue to recover well from the throat surgery, it probably won't help to yell a bunch of swear words, but you could think them out instead of shout it out. This is his issue, what you do about it from your end is something you can work out over time. Give yourself some space to heal.

Please keep posting and take care.

Hope for non-toxic family relationships endures...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

 

Re: A place of safety for expression

@Annabelle

You are right, your brother is being insensitive and stupid..it is one of the tricky parts of family..we don't get to choose them!
Luckily, we do get to choose our friends and I am hoping your friends will be much more supportive than your dingbat brother..
In the meantime please accept these virtual bunch of wildflowers (there's some flowering gums because they remind me of may Gibbs, some flannel flowers because they thrive in deserts and some pigface because I love the pink). Also there's a heat wheat, a jazz CD and some fruit jubes..
Wishing you a speedy physical recovery from surgery, and ignoring all calls from siblings who discriminate..
Gentle waves of hello..

Re: A place of safety for expression

Hi @Annabelle, we hear you  !  it's so frustrating at times . . .  and yes, what is it with brothers??? it's like they think they have permission to be especially dorky and insensitive with siblings. Anyways, thanks for sharing how you feel here, with people who understand, and glad yout surgery went well too. Take care 🙂

Re: A place of safety for expression

Hi @Annabelle 

I hope that it feels better getting that off your chest so to speak, and i agree with you that stinks.

🙂

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