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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Hi @Emelia8. I have just come and read your story. I don't know quite what to say. So much loss and heartache. You have survived so much, you must be an incredibly strong woman. I don't have the words but I'm sending hugs and admire your bravery in sharing so much of yourself here 💜💜

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Dear @Emelia8 ,

I fear I may have come across as judgemental.  I did not mean to.  I am sorry.  I have a tendency to just say what is in my head.  

I am also not very good at doing the “ everything you say is wonderful stuff” that seems to be a way or responding.  That is not a criticism of what is said, but I don’t personally like to be told that whatever I say or do or how I react is ok , when maybe it isn’t. I know it is being supportive, but for me it doesn’t always work.

 

i do think that you have gained from your adversity, but you just can’t see it

i think you are a fine person 

 

yes we are through the court and it actually went well for my son.  But I feel damaged by it, and see it going on for the rest of his life one way or another.  But I love him so much.

thank you 

peri

 

 

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8  thinking of you lots...hoping for some relief from your painful thoughts...sending you a big gentle hug and lots of wishes for strength and some healing...Heart

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Morning Em, I had a really long reply for your worry room post and now that I am here to type it out, I find that it seems far to shallow in light of what you have had to experience in your life.  I understand being set up to fail and that it brings someone joy to watch as you fail and fall hard, it takes a lot of courage to stand tall after you fall and go stuff you! I managed to do it once and only once. Let me, let your forum friends and family be your safety net, hold on to the knowledge that we want you to succeed, we want you to live your best possible life with happiness and joy, be comforted in the fact that when you feel you have stuffed up we are here still supporting and loving you.

 

You are a very compassionate, insightful and thoughtful lady and I am proud to call you my friend.Sending you all my love and some gentle hugs HeartIzzy

@Emelia8 

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

hope your ok @Emelia8 Heart

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Hi @Emelia8 

 

I am certainly very glad you found your way back here - and also that you were reading the messages we left for you - and how glad I througwhen I realised who you were

 

I am not sure what internalising our past is - maybe it means allowing our sadness to increase our degree of social withdrawal and similar behaviours - I have thought about it a lot through the years since my son died - I was told at the time not to internalise it though I didn't know what it meant - but I was very verbal with my grief and it may come down to our reaction to our social circumstances though life - and we could ask if we have learned to control our emotions and behaviour in ways that allowed us to function until the situation became more than that - for me - that was the turning point - I started to grow in maturity and wisdom from that point in my life and this has been a wonderful gift from my son. I valued him so much it empowered me to turn my back on the social and racial intolerance of my family and go it alone and as tough as that was - it has been worth it

 

When it comes to having a normal and happy life I have questions those words. What is a normal life? No one can really answer that and I think it might mean fitting in - and being part of a group of people with different beliefs this could be very hard. In the past I have tolerated the form of a situation to have the content. I gradually moved past that. And happy - what is happiness. The word happy comes from the Old Nordic languages - "hap" meaning "chance" and I think that happiness is a very "chancy" state - maybe a condition or time we can enjoy for as long as it lasts and keep the memories

 

But I don't think we can ever find a stage of contentment in life from other people - we have to find it within ourselves and from what you write I think you learned a valuable lesson early - so many deaths so close to you gave you insight into how risky life is - and it's a hard lesson and who would be happy learning it?

 

I think it was the first anniversary of your mother's death the day before my son's 34th anniversary - I didn't forget either date - and the first anniversary is the hardest I think - to realise a whole year has passed - what is an intolerable memory is suddenly a whole year ago - and we can never be happy about it but it's a fact of our lives

 

And am I making any sense? - to me it does have rhyme and reason - the events of my past have made me who I am now and I keep changing because my life keeps having events in it and 2020 has memories for us all that give us reason to question life - but most of us continue for whatever reasons sustain us

 

I found a lot of spring pictures today and I am sending you one

 

Dec

 

Spring always follows winter - now matter how long we have had to waitSpring always follows winter - now matter how long we have had to wait

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

hello and hugs @Emelia8 HeartHeart

sorry that i have not been around much this week 

sending  you hugs and sitting with you always xx

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Dear @Emelia8 , you must be in a very bad place, am thinking of you lots and sending many warm and hopeful thoughts and wishes for you to feel better as soon as possible...there is lots of support for you here, as soon as you're ready to come back...I miss you but I understand if you dont feel up to being here right now. Am hoping for comfort and whatever you need to start to feel stronger. Heart

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8, are you ok my awesome sister HeartHeart

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

My beautiful friend, I really am hoping you are ok. Sending you a little strength to help you through what is going on right now, a little light to help guide you home to us and a lot of love and hugs in hopes you remember how loved and special you are not only to me but also the rest of you friends here. 

@Emelia8 

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