Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[concerned_mum]

My son is 48, I think he has bipolar or schizophrenia, he has been getting worse over the past 10yrs. He works and lives on his own but he has to move now as the owner is demolishing the house. He refuses to move! I have spoken to him about getting help over these years but he wont admit that there is anything wrong. I suppose because of his age there is little I can do for him or if I forsed it he would end up hating me more than he does already. He thinks his father and me are against him and are just out to get him. we have not had contact since before Christmas as he wont answer phone calls or messages. When they remove him from the house I don't know what the right thing for us to do. He gets quite violent towards his father and me so we are limited in how far we can go. Please help in some advice as I am so worried about what will happen to him. thanks 🙂

[CherryBomb]

Hi @concerned_mum,

I've moved your post into this part of the Forums so that it's easier to find. 

The situation with your son sounds difficult. You want to support him, but he seems closed off to you. Like the old saying goes, you can drag a horse to water but you can't make it drink. But what you can do, is think about how much you're willing and can afford (physically, financially, and emotionally) help him, and then put the offer out there. It might just mean putting out an offer to help him move his stuff. That way he can come to you if and when he is ready.

Does your son have many close friends or other family that could help him? If so, it might help for you to contact them. You mentioned that he's gotten worse over the past 10 years, did something happen 10 years ago to trigger this?

[Lunar]

Hi there @concerned_mum

That sounds incredibly hard, I can't imagine how worried you are about him right now and what will happen in the future when he has to move. It does really sound like his aggressive behaviour, withdrawal from family and friends and thinking people are out to get him is a symptom of his mental health and not a personal attack at anyone.  It would be helpful for him in the long run if you could get him some treatment as I am sure he does not enjoy being angry and worried all the time.

I know you said he would hate you if you forced anything but that is also a symptom of his mental health and not a reflection of him. The most you can do is check in on him and let him know you are happy to help in what ever way will be helpful for him, even try to validate how stressful this process would be and how hard it would be feeling angry all the time. But also keep safe and don't let him do anything that puts you at risk of harm.

If you feel he is at risk of hurting yourself or even himself make sure you call the Police 000 or your local Crisis Assessment Team which is based at your local hospital, they are able to assess him and treat him involuntarily if they deem it is needed.

Thinking of you,

Lunar

[CherryBomb]

Hi @concerned_mum,

How are things with you and your son? Any updates on the housing situation?

I thought I might mention @Former-Member, she shared this post and has some similarities to your experience. Her son lives interstate, and she has difficulties supporting him because it seems he keeps people at an arms length.

Perhaps @Former-Member can offer some suggestions here?

[concerned_mum]

Thanks for your advice, he rang his sister yesterday. Ranted and raved a bit but she spoke quietly to him and he told her that he had found a place and was moving at the weekend. This is such a relief, I was imagining all sorts of things. he wont say where he is moving to but as long as he keeps in touch with his sister we can keep an eye on him. Nothing happened 10 years ago other than the pot smoking caught up with him. I am sure that stuff made things worse in his head, he has stopped smoking it now but the damage is done. he smoked it from when he was 15, we didn't know at the time, then he became a heavy smoker of it in his 20's. We do have mental illness in the family, and addiction problems. He is so angry at the world and especially us, my daughter says she wonders if they both grew up in the same home because how she remembers her childhood and how he tells it are at the opposite ends of the spectrum. Anyway thanks again, if  I need any further advice I know where to come, I have made a few phone calls in the past but they were very unhelpful so I am glad I have found you. It's just so frustrating not being able to help or do anything. J